16 Class THU OCT 27
Wake up
Lecture/Demo/Exercise
PHASE ONE (We accomplished this phase on TUE OCT 25):
- Read “The Dilemma of the Skincare World” by schoolcookiemonster.
- Leave a Reply praising its author specifically for what you found most impressive about the argument.
- Leave a Second Reply with a more critical response indicating where you were confused by, or not convinced by, or downright antagonistic to the argument.
PHASE TWO
(We’ll work on this part today, THU OCT 27)
- Open the page: Definition Rewrite Workshop
- You will be assigned a paragraph.
- Work with your group to absorb and analyze the feedback for the paragraph.
- Select one of your group members to “present” the feedback to the rest of the class.
- Present feedback for the paragraph.
- Leave detailed reactions to the feedback sessions in your daily Agenda Notes.
Lecture/Demo/Exercise
HOW TO OPEN DEMO
alwaystired247
AnonymousStudent
azntaco
beforeverge
BigBabyBaller
bitagaming
breakingbad1820
Caravan
cinderella1013
davidbdale
Yankeelover18
fatboy489zt
giantsfan224
glacierfreeze21
gobirds17
green0728
gymrat230
Gir
jerseymikes1106
jesusisking1738
jetsfan806
Kenneth Alex Krug
manipulator66
mercythyhealer14
McCormick Karner
mochaatrain
oni
powerranger
peanut2348
pinkcottoncandy4
princess01430
redbird1123
rubes1256
shxrkbait
sillyinternetperson
soulpond47240
spatel8267
stingingcrib5
tacotyphoon
thepersonindisguise
usmnt23
worldofjuice999
xephos1
Counterintuitive Fall 2022 
Trains width are based on chariots, so are tunnels, which are double the width with a little extra clearance so they do not hit each other while passing. The challenger blew up because Christa was on it, or because of the failure of the o-rings and taking unprecedented risks taken because NASA was pleased with the success they have had with previous launches. Boosters are built and assembled in separate pieces, and sealed with o-rings. During the cold, because they are rubber, they shrink. On the day of launch, it was 22 degrees outside in Florida.
Any recollection of why we traced the several causes of the Challenger explosion, Slow?
2/3
well all of my notes deleted when I refreshed the page so I’m gonna try to remember
the question of ” Why” can be an extremely ambiguous argument
You can constantly ask why and have the explanation not be viable enough
The challenger:
All I can think of is how NASA was able to explain the challenger exploding. I know a lot of people have explanations for it exploding, but how did NASA do it? and not only what was their reasoning but how did they get the world to widely accept their explanation? I know if someone told me that my teacher died because of the way Roman’s built chariots I would laugh and wonder how humanity could be so dull/insensitive.
New portfolio categories- I’m just gonna post these notes at this moment so that they dont go away again
I have a couple points to spare.
2/3
Why- asking a couple different questions
– what series of causes compelled you to do that
– what was your goal in doing so
– in what way do you mean this action to your goal
– for what purpose/ what benefit will there be
– what was the cause
Challenger
– Ice formed on the launchpad overnight, public interest override the safety concerns
– if Christa Mcauliffe was never on the challenger, it would have never launched. Therefore because she was on the challenger it exploded
-the immediate cause was the failure of the O-rings to contain the immense amount of pressure
-at the end of the day, the challenger exploded because of the width 2 horses asses
– This explanation taught me a lot about causal arguments, it taught me that one thing can lead to another thing, that leads to another thing that has a consequence that had nothing to do with the first thing. For example because roman chariots were inspired by the width of two horses asses, which then inspired train tunnels to be that size, the challenger was built in Utah and had to be shipped by train where they had to put it together piece by piece. The rubber o-rings that were used to put them together shrunk because of the low temperatures, the low temperatures cause the fuel to leak out of the rocket and it was not safe to launch. Because of the public’s anticipation of an already delayed launch, they decided to launch it anyway. This lesson taught me that causal arguments are everything leading up to why something happened.
Nice Notes, Swim. Very thorough on Causation.
3/3
notes – blue
Does every death serve some sort of purpose or have some kind of benefit to society?
Why did the challenger explode?
There was public interest in the launch because there was a normal citizen, or someone who wasn’t an astronaut on board. So unfortunately, everyone was watching when the Challenger failed. This citizen was sent to probably raise public support and money for NASA when the worst thing that could probably happen could happen.
The weather was less than desirable, as there was ice in the area that morning. If the normal citizen wasn’t on the shuttle, they probably wouldn’t have launched that day. In order to meet the public’s expectations, they launched anyways.
The scientific explanation was that the O Rings couldn’t contain the pressure of the launch.
Roman war chariots are 4 feet 8 1/2 inches long, which is determined as the of 2 horses side by side.
Trains would actually adopt the same width, because chariot makers turned into train builders once they had been invented.
The parts for the boosters that failed shipped by train so they had to follow these measurements, and were assembled in Florida. The O rings weren’t build particularly well and ended up failing.
A casual argument can be anything. When explaining something, there are so many different possibilities as to why something had happened, like the Challenger explosion. It could be the trains, poor planning, the fact that a normal person was on the shuttle, etc. It is really up to you to decide what the answer is. This can work in many different scenarios as well.
I like this explanation, blue:
3/3
My Notes:
Introduction to Causal Claims: Why the challenger exploded is a way to explore ambiguity and more specifically “why?” Which leads into the causal claim exploration. Some explanations to why it exploded was that in Florida it was cold, this caused ice to form on the launch pad overnight. There can be many other claims involved as to why it exploded and crashed. Immediate common explanation was the failure of the O-Rings to contain the immense pressure of the combustion within the rocket. Several causes can be named, some distant, some immediate, some precipitating.
Housekeeping: Portfolio subtopic is now available. Own personal portfolio is a new tag that should be added to all future portfolio tags involved with the portfolio such as essays and their rewrites.
Lecture/Demo/Exercise: Read over argument and give feedback. Once resumed on Wednesday will resume feedback.
This says it well:
3/3
– asking why is more broad than you think
– why must be narrowed down
– when asking why, you’re looking at causality
– “beCAUSE”
– different layers of cause
– challenger disaster had different possibilities of cause
– a noticeable cause isn’t always right or wrong but fit into a hierarchy of causes
– causes have causes and those causes have causes
–
You always have a slant, Bully. 🙂
3/3
Whooping cranes learned to migrate from a man in a small plane
Many different ways to ask why
Immediate cause of the aircraft exploding was O ring failure
The first why
So many why’s can be implemented into every situation
The O rings had shrunk due to the cold weather causing them not to seal properly
Nasa should not have launched that day
Good enough.
3/3
The Challenger exploded because the solid booster rockets that were to launch NASA’s space shuttle Challenger into orbit suffered a catastrophic failure 73 seconds into the launch. All seven crew were killed in the disaster, most likely from the impact of their cabin striking the ocean below.
The launch was most uncommonly, was broadcast live on TV. Millions of schoolkids watched as the events unfolded, including McAuliffe’s students, gathered in their classroom to celebrate their teacher’s accomplishment. For 72 seconds, they were jubilant, but then an explosion separated the boosters from the shuttle and the launch catastrophically failed.
When railroads first began to replace horse-drawn carts as the preferred mode of transportation for long journeys, the same cartwrights using the same patterns and tools as they used for carts, passed on the standard wheel spacing with which they were already familiar. Tunnels were carved through mountains no wider than necessary to accommodate two trains passing one another, which limited not only the width but also the height of the cars or their cargo.
The solid rocket boosters that propelled many successful shuttles that were launches into space are enormous structures, as you can see by comparing them to the trucks following the shuttle conveyor to the launch pad. So, they were built in sections, shipped in pieces, assembled in Florida, and wrapped by the now-infamous rubber O-Rings that failed so catastrophically on the day of the Challenger disaster.
Drugs can be absorbed by the skin, swallowed, injected, and even sprayed to enter the human body. This sounds like a throwaway claim, but in fact it’s the primary definition argument because drugs should be DEFINED by their characteristic of entering the body. As comparison skincare products are also absorbed into the skin.
What sounds like a throwaway comparison is actually the Definition Claim because of that skincare products are drugs because they are absorbed into the body through the skin. This statement alone explains how the cosmetic industry is so large and developed, yet still has no intentions to advance its procedures for safety in order to prevent toxic ingredients that are marketed from getting approved.
Your causal observations are mostly cut-and-pasted from the lecture material, Bubba, but you get full credit for your remarks about the skincare material.
3/3
3/21/22 44Elk In-Class Notes:
Today, I walked into Mr. Hodges’ class 10 minutes late. That’s unacceptable. I’ll try to do better next time. I arrived in the middle of a discussion I believe is about conservation efforts and wild animal/endangered species that failed.
Next, we talked about “why?” the Challenger space shuttle exploded. First, we talked about the meaning of “why?”. When we ask why, we ask what the purpose of something is/what it would do. The immediate/common explanation for the explosion was a malfunction of an important piece of equipment. An unlikely explanation was because the weather was too cold or the civilian passenger pressured them to launch while disregarding a safety hazard. An EVEN more unlikely explanation was from Roman chariot wheel-spacing standards and how that impacted NASA technology later down the line. It’s remarkable how we drew a line from that to a NASA spacecraft. Christa Mcauliffe died because of the width of two horses’ asses.
Next, we did some housekeeping. After that, we introduced a workshop/assignment to leave some feedback and analyze the writing of one of my classmates that actually did a great job on his/her definition argument. I was assigned paragraph 4 for the assignment.
I finished class by posting a critique of the classmate’s writing.
Not doing much better about arriving on time 🙂
3/3
Each 1,000 word argument should be placed in the portfolio category under your word press username.
That includes the original and the rewrite.
We are able to drop one at the end out of the 3 1,000 word arguments.
Critiquing work and receiving feedback is valuable to the writing process.
No one is perfect in writing so feedback and improvement is essential.
Asking “why” is more broad than one may assume.
There are also many ways to ask “why.”
Make sure to review the paragraph assigned for Wednesday.
Lacks content.
2/3
The way that the reader can see if there is a causal argument is based on the wording of because. This is the most common wording is because there are other words that can be used for the causal.
The explosion of the rocket is viewed by many with different causes and this is because of the one effect which is the explosion of the rocket.
The O-Ring is the reasoning that was stated but I think it is because of the extra weight of the human that had caused the explosion to occur because of the uncalculated amount of extra weight.
The two-argument posts were added to our portfolio which will have two of our best rewrites and originals.
Pretty confusing observations, NJ.
2/3
Wake Up
The Challenger exploded because of high public interest. Moreover, it was a revolutionary instance in the making, as it included an ordinary citizen Christa McAuliffe. Therefore they launched it anyway despite the fact that the temperature was too low.
Some may argue that the cause of this tragic event was the implementation of everyday civilians like Christa.
The common explanation for this event is that the O-rings failed.
There is no single cause of why the Challenger exploded.
An uncommon explanation is because of the width of two horses’ asses. In addition, chariots used two horses which were wider than the chariot itself. This allowed the chariot enough room to always fit through tunnels.
This was adopted during the development of railroad tracks. Therefore pieces of the Challenger were shipped in pieces on trains which caused it to be built in segments ultimately leading to a faulty completed product.
Meanders like the Challenger anecdote.
3/3
-Explanation of a causal argument ( Why Charger Exploded)
-When we say why we might be asking a few different questions
-Accidental consequences
-Regardless of many warnings from people , the shuttle was still launched
-The weather was too cold on the ground, and ice had formed on the launch pad
-The public was very interested in this launch because an “ordinary citizen” was a part of the crew who was being launched into space.
-Christa , who happened to be the citizen , was a school teacher and her students watched the launch happened as well as the explosion
-Solid rocket leaked through the O-rings causing the explosion
I believe that if someone who was an ordinary citizen wasn’t on that space shuttle ten it would not have been so much pressure on launching the shuttle that day and then the warnings would have been taken seriously.
At the same time though, if there is someone who is not a professional apart of the crew then it would make more sense to be more careful and responsible with your actions especially when the public is watching.
This demonstration taught me that when asking the question “why?” there is never just 1 single answer. There are many different answers and explanations to one question. For example , one of the explanations to why the challenger failed goes all the way back to Roman times with horses and chariots and I’m pretty positive if I was to ask someone who was familiar with the event they would not think about chariots and horses.
Nice Notes, Chance. Bonus point for your observations about McAuliffe.
4/3
COMP II Notes – 3.21.22
WHOOPING CRANES
Remembered learning about the Challenger back in middle school
NASA wanted to spice things up… sent/”tried” to send an ordinary citizen to space.
Could have caused the explosion…?
Why did the voices sound calm after the explosion?
Gravity 🙂
Could be many reasons why the Challenger failed
Asking why will get you a variety of answers.
Reminders:
Schedule meeting**
Work on revisions
Group project (paragraph)
Light on content.
2/3
– First we discussed answering the question “why” which can have many different answers. Each effect may have several effects and “why” can be interpreted as different things. Like I discussed in my post on that link, the first example interested me a lot because it caught me off guard. For the space launch, the horses remind me of the butterfly effect which states that a flap of a butterfly’s wing can cause a tornado/hurricane. The interpretation is that small things can cause major changes. If you consider the butterfly effect, the answer to “why” can be each step that the flap of the butterfly caused all the way leading up to the effect. Looking at it with this perspective creates a whole new view on the way to answer “why”.
– Added my Definition and Definition rewrite essays into my portfolio.
– I really like reading posts of other classmates because oftentimes I gain inspiration and understanding on what to and how to do assignments. Also after reading through their assignments, I can catch mistakes on theirs and make sure that I don’t make those same mistakes. I think its easier to find mistakes on other’s work than my own because I agree with my work but I don’t agree with theirs necessarily. This reminds me of the counterintuitive shopping lists because while it is possible to find mistakes in your own writing or your own shopping lists, you need to learn more before doing so in my opinion. If you make the shopping list at home, you tend to start changing it once you get to the grocery store. Same thing with writing, after writing it, I think its pretty good, but once i compare it to other things, I am able to find the things I need to change. It’s counterintuitive to start editing it before I read multiple different posts. At least thats what my laziness says whenever I go to edit. 🙂
Bonus point for your supplemental commentary.
4/3
posted this by accident. Real notes posted a little lower.
03/21/2022
We started off class today by talking about the challenger explosion for the causal lesson. We were looking at identifying “WHY” something happened. Why? can mean what purpose did someone have for example dying. “Because of public interest,” the challenger was launched even though there were countless warnings and this is a great cause of what caused something to happen.
For the challenger, some causes might be that the weather was colder than usual and was a concern, O-Rings might have failed or, NASA’s success was more important, and certain safety precautions were not taken seriously.
One of the causes is what happened before the tragedy such as not turning wheels towards a curb and putting on the emergency brake when parking on a downhill. Maybe someone did not sleep well leading to a lack of knowledge to put on the brakes due to lack of sleep.
Add the definition argument and definition rewrite into the categories: portfolio (school cookie monster), username, and definition rewrite.
The lecture exercise started off by writing down our impressive parts of the definition argument and after the class wrote about any sections of the essay that were not so convincing. For the second part as a group, we used the feedback from our classmates to make the paragraph we were given more preservative. This exercise has been very useful especially to the writer since they can get feedback from their priors and advance their writing by clarifying and simplifying the arguments stated.
I really like this:
4/3
To start class today we looked at the details on the infoumous challenger space shuttle explosion. Our purpose was to figure out “WHY” something like this happened. Why? can represent the purpose for something happening which in this case is the explosion of the Challenger. After some digging I discovered it’s because of high public interest the challenger was launched, even though there were countless red flags and setbacks.
Some of the Events that led up to this disaster include the unusually cold weather in flordia, possibility of failure in the O-ring, and NASA’s ego was more important than certain safety precautions.
Other causes prior to the tragedy such as not turning wheels towards a curb and putting on the emergency brake when parking downhill are examples of other careless mistakes. These types of imperfections and lack of attention to detail may be the explanation for this incident.
Add the definition argument and definition rewrite into the categories: portfolio
Sorry, wasn’t feeling good or in class today but I tried my best to follow along and get some information, I will be turning in my essay due this morning soon, sorry for the hold up
**Assignment: Fix up definition essay!!
Wake up: Why did the Challenger explode?
What do we mean by “Why”? You could be looking for the existential answer, or the literal one. What was the purpose/what was the cause?
The challenger was launched into orbit but exploded 73 seconds in. There was a teacher with the crew, invited to teach a class in space to inspire her grade school kids. Everyone was watching. NASA wanted a good relations with the public, hoping this event would boost interest.
Why?(technical): It was very cold in Florida. O-Ring Failure.
Why?(ethical): It had already been rescheduled twice. Everyone was dying to watch it. There was a lot of pressure and anticipation to get it running. The teacher should not have been on that shuttle in the first place.
4ft 8 and 1/2 inches became the standard in Rome because chariots had to fit through all the gates, and two horse’s asses are about that length. Many roads in Europe still exist at this length. This also became the standard for railroad tracks.
Why did Christa McAuliffe die? Because of the width of a horse’s ass.
Halfway Point: Stay strong and keep moving. Don’t get behind.
Visual Rhetoric Rewrite help: more in depth look
**Assignment: Visual Rhetoric – better the first draft the less work for the Rewrite.
Fifth Paragraph
Most of the feedback was in fact helpful to the overall paragraph. Although, there was some parts where it was kind of digging a little too deep into getting the context of the paragraph correct when it is a first time writer.
The writer also went through a weird phase in the writing where they sort of blamed the people for having a lack of education because they kept buying the products. I agree with the feedback where it seems odd.
I also agree with the second piece of feedback where you say that the writer is describing a different situation than before because it is true. The writer starts stating that the people are trusting the FDA when they don’t regulate every single piece of product that skin care companies put out. Not so much correlation.
The last piece of feedback seemed kind of just to add and be there since it didn’t really give any feedback other than saying “we know this already.”
We see all this in the revision where it mainly fixes up the context and says where and how this comes from that.
What you want is for your audience or cash customers to feel as if they are winning out of the deal. You don’t want them to turn their head when giving all of the information.
You are distancing yourself from the reader if you just keep saying “you” in your writing
10/27 Class Notes
-During our definition rewrite workshop, my group found the feedback very helpful. The original paragraph did not flow and was too broad. The author was stating the facts but was not explaining and clarifying which made it very confusing. The sentence-by-sentence feedback helped break down the paragraph to create a better understanding. The revised paragraph clarified the content and helped explain it in a way that made sense.
-When placing statistics in our writing we must set up the value of that statistics to make it of value to readers. When a quote is thrown in, it is not creating a persuasive argument without an explanation of the circumstances.
-First state the purpose of your writing and the hypothesis you are proving before giving the back story and the information. The information given cannot be used effectively if the conclusion is unclear to the readers before reading all of the facts.
-When using statistics, make sure you word the phrase right in order to make it persuasive and appealing to readers.
10/27 Class Notes
Make sure to place rewrite in feedback please with specific information on what feedback is needed
Paragraph 7: The feedback provided helped the paragraph flow much better than the first write. In the first entry, it is hard to understand what point the author is trying to emphasize. She jumps around, trying to compare Europe and US industries, but struggles to let the reader know when she is referring to either place. In the revised paragraph, everything flows much better because the paragraph is chunked between Europe and US industry differences, and has a solid closing statement.
We want to use appropriate phrasing when starting an argument, so that we target a specific audience
The first sentence would draw me in much more than the rest. Saying that an argument can be lost in the first sentence and not won sparks interest. How can it be lost? What creates the divide between won and lost so soon?
Definition Workshop
Our paragraph (p4)
The comments are valuable and don’t seem too picky. The paragraph does jump frequently from topic to topic, and it also does not provide clear statements for those topics. I agree with you that the technology agreement is essentially irrelevant because it doesn’t really contribute anything important. I agree with you when you commented that we should be identifying instead of preaching to the reader. If we generalize we could be creating a divide between the writer and reader. Some of the sentences also aren’t really necessary. Having your opinion on full display by writing “I think” should be replaced by just making the claim. The last sentence is definitely the best, but it took the whole paragraph to get there.
Notes
– When there are such vivid claims, you should definitely expand on that topic. That brings that “this could lead to that” type of claim.
– Claims such as those have tremendous persuasive power.
– “Teasing” the reader with claims that are vague can potentially make your reader lose interest. Instead, the main point should be highlighted as the main topic of discussion early in the paragraph. Once you do that, “hooking the reader,” they are more likely to be interested in the supporting arguments that will be sprinkled throughout.
– Backing up claims holds a lot of significance. You could create persuasion with expansion on a topic.
-Choose the best method of sharing information that evokes the reaction that you are aiming for within your audience.
-An argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost. (Great opener)
Notes:
– In the Definition Workshop, we revised the second paragraph. The introduction was changed to add a subject sentence. Some information was moved to a different place to allow the writing to flow better. Sentences were combined as well for the same reason. The revises made the paragraph much more cohesive, showing clear points to the readers.
– Big points of information in your paper should be said in the beginning and clearly. It will hook readers and make them want to read more. Otherwise, they could get bored and stop reading by the time you introduce the topic.
– If writers have a shock factor that could be put in the essay, they should use it. It will surprise readers and get keep them interested.
– Wording can greatly influence reader’s opinion and perspective.
Wake Up
If you stare into the spiral and then look at the painting it starts to move
Our brain gets used to the pattern of the spiral that it tricks our mind when we go to look at the painting
Repetition is a good sign that more than one sentence can be combined together
Exercise
You won’t touch your original Definition argument
All changes will be made to the Definition Rewrite post
The original author places blame on the FDA in a claim
It is changed to remove some of the blame on the FDA and more or less tries to discredit the FDA
I agree that the quote gets its point across by effectively making the audience nervous, because it has the facts to back it up (Logos)
In this paragraph, there isn’t too much detail about the FDA, leaving the audience a little bit confused as to what effect the FDA actually has. The feedback recognizes this and it is changed to give a little bit more detail on the FDA’s regulation of skin care products
Overall, the feedback for this paragraph is much needed. The minor changes made to the paragraph gives it a much needed kick.
Lecture
You could emphasize a cost or a benefit
You want to make your customers feel like they’re getting something worthwhile
In other words, you want to make something more pleasing to the target audience so they will be more inclined to go with it
Using “you” creates a rift between the writer and the reader
– The Definition Rewrite post is the one that gets the revisions. Do not edit the Definition post as this will be compared the final post.
– For the Definition Workshop assignment, the original paragraph did not seem to be confusing or bad when I read it on my own a few days ago. But after reviewing it with my group and reading the feedback on the paragraph, I now see how messy the words are and how the sentences do not connect to each other. This workshop made me realize that the notes made on the paragraph are not something I would think of initially so the feedback from the professor is extremely helpful in getting me to see how little my sentences make sense and how the words do not connect.
– Choose the method that actually promotes the benefits of your argument. Show the reader the good side, and not disclose the information that makes them question what it is being said.
– The opening sentence cannot win an argument, but it can be lost. You need to engage the reader right away and make them want to continue reading what you have to say.
– The use of “you” creates a distance between yourself and the reader and makes it hard for the reader to connect to your argument.
– The most important job of a sentence is to make sure the reader reads the next one, and continues to read the entirely of the essay.
Class Notes-
Make sure we aren’t requesting feedback on our original draft.
“*” next to our feedback mean its our turn to respond
Exercise-
The first sentence in our paragraph is somewhat contradictory. It starts by saying “get away” with regulating and then ends by saying they don’t have the power. Where is the blame being place?
The choice of the quote is very good. It is a startling claim but it is not placed well. When initially reading this I struggled following the quote. It is also not cited correctly.
The paragraph then comes back to place blame but we aren’t sure where. Since we never established the FDA’s role we still cant blame them.
I like the example used in the rewritten paragraph. This illustrates how the thesis and FDA relate and how the FDA should be responsible for regulation.
Class analysis-
To engage our readers we must hook them. Or else they wont care. If we start with a back story they will be distracted and lose interest.
If we create a divide between ourselves and the readers they will lose interest. Saying “we” helps the reader feel like you are the same. We don’t want to divide our audience.
How to start an argument-
The use of our statistics can tell two different stories. Be wary of this because a reader can take an alternate view
Avoid using “you” in essays.
Class Notes:
-On the definition argument and the visual rhetoric writing there needs to be a post that is named “Definition” and a second post named “Definition Rewrite”. There will be no changes made to the “Definition” essay and only changes and revisions are being made to the “Rewrite”.
-You can rewrite the same policy twice. It can praise the cost or it can praise the customers, but both has]ve the same reasoning and the same focus on the same point.
-The first sentence is very important because it either attacks the reader or turns the reader away. The first sentence cannot win the argument, but it can be lost.
Definition Workshop:
Paragraph 1
-“97% of the people tested” That part of paragraph one is kind of a waste of time when the hoe cookiemonster used it. There is no explanation on why.
-With the last sentence there is not enough evidence to make that claim, but the revision has actual details that make the point more valid with a better structured point.
-Does oxybenzone show up in the urine of non-sunscreen users? Important question because some things our body produces so they show up on drug tests.
Paragraph 2
-The revision of introducing quotes makes the paragraph better and clearer
-If you have something vivid, like “Hirschsprung’s disease” the reader wants to know a little about it and that was added to the revision because cookiemonster didn’t show the readers what that is.
Paragraph 3
-The FDA is responsible for food and drugs, they do not have the authority to regulate cosmetics. Therefore, we can’t hold the FDA accountable.
Paragraph 4
-Doesn’t use “we” so the writer is basically separating the writer from the readers.
Paragraph 5
-First sentence is too broad and basic that everyone knows at this point. The revision gives a good explanation and rephrases it.
-Again coming at the FDA or the consumers when there is nothing that is actually our fault. Clarify who is responsible.
Paragraph 6
-The reader does not relate himself with the readers, which shows to me that he doesn’t care as much for this.
-Too broad and the last sentence is not a good closing.
-If lead is used that says it is life threatening, every product on the market has health problems, but how severe the health problem is is what the readers want to know.
Paragraph 7
-This paragraph is all over the place and tries to throw every point made in one sentence each point.
-There is no final point, it is just repeating what was said before and that is a waste of time.
-The reader needs to be told that there needs to be regulation.
-The revised paragraph starting off lets the readers know what it is going to be about right away. Instead of the readers being lost right away.
-The last sentence that was added was good, it adds a strong feeling for the readers.
-if a sentence follows a sentence starting with the same word, then it is a great sign that they should be combined.
-never relinquish our power as an author to purposefully argue.
-Reactions to Feedback sessions:
– A lot of the feedback relates to a context problem. A lot of times the feedback puts the author back on track. Like the shift back to targeting the product instead of big-name companies and the part where the author used a sentence that sounds like it is blaming the audience for being stupid. The feedback helps fix the focus and helps unite the paragraph as a whole. The whole speaks of the disconnect between the audience’s trust and the discretion of the FDA and big cosmetic companies. The feedback transforms the author’s statements that kind of blame the audience for lack of education turns into the audience feeling hurt by the companies not having to disclose the potential dangers in their products.
-a policy can either describe the painful cost or the benefit.
-choose a method that promotes the reaction you want from the audience
-Salesmen talk about the benefits, not the cost when selling because that is what draws the audience in.
-Don’t use “you” in a sentence three times. Just don’t
-Every sentence has one job. To get the audience to read the next sentence.
College Composition 2
10/27/22
Class Notes
Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” painting actually looks alive or as if its moving after we stared at the spiral optical illusion.
The cosmetic industry is not regulated; companies in this industry are not incentivised to make safe products; they are there to sell the best looking products, using any ingredient they want to make that cosmetic look or seem better to the public eye.
“Skincare products are drugs since they are absorbed by the skin and travel deep into the body which can lead to alarming side effects affecting users with allergic reactions and even organ damage.” This was a breathtaking thing for me to read because I did not know cosmetics can dive that deep in your body to affect your health.
“In reality, the cosmetic industry is not being regulated by the FDA.” So who regulates the cosmetic industry do you know? Does anyone know?
Make sure to use the right writing techniques to draw in your reader. It’s just like a salesman promoting a fee instead of a discount. No customer will be drawn in by fees, but will be drawn by discounts.
Good opening sentences/Introductions: An argument cannot be won in the first sentence, but it can be lost.
As a writer you gotta use good writing to keep your reader hooked and reading every sentence.
Revising
They talk about cosmetics being dangerous in what way, what are the effects of lead in makeup.
I agree with the first revised paragraph because he says big names and L’oreal contain lead, but how do you know other cosmetic companies contain lead because they are not openly saying this.
People are still buying these harmful products since they have trust in the FDA that in reality was never there to make an impactful effect on the industry’s regulations. (Show me a way that the FDA has not cared for making industry regulations).
You say companies contain harmful ingredients when in reality its the companies products not the company.
Why blame the people when the cosmetics company was not even approved.
Manufacturers are also able to make any claims they desire and still be placed on the market. (Manufacturers products are sold on the market not manufacturers)
This shows how lousy regulated the cosmetic industry is even in a day and age where everything seems to be doubled-checked and approved. (We already understand this no need to add it)
In the revision, the context and details are right on the money as it is very necessary to use this, because the first author does not use good context it becomes hard for the reader to understand whether the company and its products has lead. As well as the manufacturers part in the revised it goes into how toy.
Why does a cosmetic company not have regulators for their products to protect people from dangerous ingredients?
Oct 27 Notes
Exercise : To start we noticed that you combined a lot of the information that she either repeated or seemed logical to chunk together. While he does this he also replaces information in new spots of the paragraph for logical purposes. We also noticed that you revised or entirely added new “introductions” for her quotes. All the revisions helped combine the segment logically and we thought they were all good notes that we would have never been able to think of.
When writing, always read back over your work and attempt to make logical connections and combine information that is similar together.
When you are trying to make a claim or a really important point, beating around the bush can cause them to get bored and never even get to the point you were trying to say. Although it is oftentimes hard to notice when we do this, try to read back over your work to try to see where cuts can be made for the sake of your final point.
Statistics must always be proven and make clear that the result is directly related to the problem you are addressing. For instance in the revision example we saw the writer say 97% had said drug in their urine but in the paragraph she never noted how the study or how she knew that this result was because of sunscreen usage.
Opening sentences are important because they can instantly cause someone to be bored but they can’t instantly win someone over. You have to be interesting while also gradually guiding someone to your point.
Don’t use “you” if you must only use it very minimally because it creates distance from you and the reader when you actually have to make them seem more like you, more human.
The first sentence is meant to grab the reader’s attention to make them keep reading.
Intro Song Lyrics: the song’s chorus that we listened to at the beginning it a good example of tying paragraphs together.
**Work on Definition Rewrite! Go paragraph by paragraph.
Exercise: you need to be precise and technical. All claims need to be on point, wordiness is a crime.
Professor is right that they need to be more concise immediately. They need to be more precise right away, so that the point comes across stronger. The “I realize” part of the paragraph doesn’t go anywhere, it doesn’t lead to the next point or strengthen the first one. “A nasal spray is considered a drug even though it is absorbed by the skin.” This is confusing to put here, since we were just talking about Europe. By saying even though, it makes it seem like an outlier, even though we already see nasal spray as a drug. They need to be much clearer on if they are talking about European or American skin care.
“This statement alone explains how America is so developed, yet has no intentions to advance its procedures for safety in order to prevent toxic ingredients.” How does that explain?
It lists the regulations of nose spray, and then immediately goes to American skincare, without ever telling you it’s making the comparison. It jumps around a lot.
fewer long-term health risks for users: be more specific. Why shouldn’t I be using lotion? Or makeup?
“therapeutically”: IDK what this means.
Trying to make the point: Europe considers them drugs, but America doesn’t.
Posted before I could finish, very mad.
All words need to be chosen for a reason. Don’t be hesitant, since you are trying to convince the audience. Don’t be afraid to be dramatic.
**Very glad no one is dissecting my definition rewrite like we did today
Never use “when it comes to” = not being precise. It’s never useful.
If you start your sentence with heaven for say and begin your next sentence with heaven, you should have just combined those sentences together
Feedback will be posted on your rewrite, not the original definition argument
A drug is a drug if its a foreign susbstance that is absorded through the body
Using the word abosrded sounds like a throwaway but its the authors definition
Would be a valid claim if they said use more % instead of just stating 97%. We dont know if its dangerous, or if the people tested were sunscreen users
Never use “When it comes to”
Defintion Workshop:
When you mention environemental effects, you provide no proof of what environmental effects are being harmed
When you say “not considered drugs”, do you need to define what drugs are or does the previous pargaroah do that? Or if you add in not considered drugs by FDA will that cover it
What other harmful ingredients are within suncreen besdies oxybenzone
As you mentioned in the last sentence, it is not needed as you say not associated with drugs, it causes the readers to think about other things instead of your claim
In the orginal post, there isnt much flow and the author doesnt back up much of his statements
What does produce contact and photo contact allergy reactions mean?
What are the health problems that this is casing- very vague claim when the author states “The ingredients that are being put into skincare are in fact causing us to face health problems and are still not considered to be associated with drugs which are shocking.”
10/27
Lecture/Demo/Exercise
– Titles are necessary, and are a good way to introduce your thesis to the audience
– Never use “when it comes to” as it gives off that you’re being imprecise
Third Paragraph Revisions
To be clear, the FDA is empowered and required to regulate the safety of food (F) and drugs (D), not cosmetics. It’s unfair, therefore, to blame the FDA for the disturbing fact of the “thirteen thousand chemicals that are used in cosmetics, only 10%” are tested for safety before being placed onto shelves. But the FDA does recognize that some skincare products qualify BOTH as cosmetics and drugs depending on the purpose for which they’re used. A typical “two category” product, dandruff shampoo, has both cosmetic use (cleaning the hair) and a therapeutic or healing purpose (treatment of dandruff).
– Insert your stance on the whether or not the FDA should be regulating cosmetic products as well as drugs
– Paragraph does a very good job of emphasizing the FDA’s job and what they are responsible for
– Paragraph is very clear and concise
– In text citation needed for the quote used, include name of article and author
– Could benefit from defining what cosmetic and therapeutic means in terms of drugs
– Needs better terms than “therapeutic and healing” to define what a drug is, therapeutic and healing are very broad
You can contradict what you’re saying based on the way you say it. Grammatically, the same words in a slightly different order or with the addition or deletion of punctuation can make what you mean have a wildly different meaning. While rewriting your essay, read each sentence and question whether it could be misinterpreted. Be your own annoying critic. Be up your own ass about grammatical errors like the type of people who type properly over text. You need to clarify what each thing you bring up means and why you’re saying it. Context is important and to introduce something to a reader without it negates the influence of that point in an argumentative essay. In some cases it can be assumed why you brought something up, but reinforcing that it relates to the overall message of the piece is a way to guarantee the reader makes that connection.
Notes for the Revised Third Paragraph:
In-text citation
“therapeutic” and “healing” are not exclusively medical terms, or relating to drugs – medical being the closest descriptor for what a drug is and the purpose of the categorization existing.
10/27/22 In-Class Notes
“To be clear, the FDA is empowered and required to regulate the safety of food (F) and drugs (D), not cosmetics.”
Even though the paragraph excuses the FDA from culpability, it still ultimately argues that they should change the scope of their duties, but the reader may understand this as saying the FDA is not empowered to regulate cosmetics the same as they are not required to regulate them.
“A typical “two category” product, dandruff shampoo, has both cosmetic use (cleaning the hair) and a therapeutic or healing purpose (treatment of dandruff).”
The latter aspect of dandruff shampoo, its therapeutic or healing purpose, might not be true of all the substances we’d colloquially consider drugs depending on how someone interprets the words. Painkillers, for instance, don’t actually directly affect the healing process in most cases. Of course you could argue pain relief that doesn’t progress the healing of an ailment is a “healing purpose”. “Medical” may work better.
My partners also brought up the point that a) the statistic about how many chemicals are inspected for safety ought to have a citation, b) there’s potential for specific examples to improve these points, such as experimentation on monkeys, and c) these points in the paragraph are significant enough that they may both warrant their own paragraph.
Feedback needs to be responded too in order to keep having access to the feedback section
Make revisions based off of feedback in order to get the best possible results out of your paper
First paragraph to draw in the reader but yet be vague enough where the author still needs to read and found out information for the text
Use statistics, questions and other techniques that can help build interest in your essay
Notes on paragraph 2- the revised paragraph although grammatically correct is missing t vital information. – not much of the environmental effects are mentioned and most side effects and explanation of the problem is a bit too vague for a second paragraph — the article need to go a little more in depth of the hazards sunscreen poses two people – last paragraph can be used to explain what the understanding of a drug is and why sunscreen doesn’t fall into this category or vise versa why it should be.
Never use the words “When it comes too” it just shows your not really sure about your information
Revising is a very useful technique used if done right, this is why we go over these assignments. This makes us able
one time word you dont need to put the same word in the next sentence
we shouldn’t blame people because consmic is not ar drug
that skin care product is like a drug because your skin is taking it in or uncertain into our body, jus like a drug will do
title is a good way to kinda show the reader what you going to write about
had break down the deffentianion essay to see what need to fix of what needs to proved.
OCT 27, 2022
Class Notes
-In the Definition workshop, we discussed paragraph 6. We believe that the Author does not relate himself with the readers. It shows that he doesn’t care.
-If the author says lead is life threatening then every product in the market has health problems, but readers want to know how severe the health problem is.
Go back and check the response from the professor on Definition and definition rewrite, asking any question and what advice you are looking for. Giving and replying feedbacks will help us a lot on our works.
Definition workshop:
It shows how these affect us, burning, allergic,.. But we didn’t know what the side effect of the product really was. Some sentences weren’t clear at all, some of them have the words drugs, but what really is drugs here. We have to identify by ourselves, but its not good for a reader, they find information to read to understand the problem easily instead of thinking about what it is. In the last sentence, that’s what people are looking for, it is enough information but they took the whole paragraph above to explain it.
The first sentence is really important, because make makes people’s attention, and makes people interested to continue reading the next sentences.
When something is introduced to a reader without context, it lessens the impact of that point in an argumentative essay.
The first few phrases of a paragraph are crucial since they ought to be intriguing and gradually lead the reader to your main idea.
There should be two posts for the Definition argument. One is the original essay where doesn’t get touched at all and the other is to rewrite the definition argument to better your work. There are two posts due to the fact that the Professor would like to see how different to original is from the revision.
We’ve read, “The Dilemma of the Skincare World”, by schoolcookiemonster on Tuesday and at first glance the essay seemed quite fine. It would be something that I would most likely post. I figured out why revisions are so essential to a writer. All those mistakes you’ve on your original post can be all editted and fixed with perfect correction. Making your arguments stand out more.
Me personally, my writing can sometimes be unclear. I tend to drift my ideas to all different areas making it very confusing. I feel that I hit a wall sometimes in my writing. I can’t think of any more to put down and my mind goes blank. To meet the quota, I just try to talk about things similar to my topic which can ultimately break my essay.
The revisions are what is going to make my writing better. Professor Hodges will input his feedback depending on what I ask for and he’ll explain what’s out of place, how confusing the writing may be, how to fix it, etc. I feel that I’ve never been in a class where the professor breaks down every section/paragraph thoroughly detailing the mistakes.
10/27
How you explain your hypothesis in your essay can be seen differently to a reader. You have to be careful with how you word things because it can be very contradicting with how the words can mean differently then how you wanted it to be seen as. Adding sentences that’s related to the topic but not more of the point being proved it may be unnecessary to have them because it could distract the reader and have them lose sight of what point you are trying to prove.
Never use “when it comes to”
Class Notes:
– Rewrites need to be added to feedback, not the original post.
– Ask for the type of feedback that you want.
– Thesis should match your point in order to prove it.
– Define claims, things readers might not know about.
-( personal note) Use todays strategy in order to revise your own work.
* Reminder: Don’t ask for feedback on the original Definition argument. Ask for feedback on the rewrite. The rewrite is the one that changes over the course of the semester.
* Reaction to Paragraph 1: All of the feedback given was helpful. The statistic that was used can be seen as valuable, but there is no context behind it so it doesn’t make sense to be put in there. If you don’t set your readers up for the impact then it makes no sense to include it.
* Reaction to Paragraph 2: The information given basically makes the paragraph more logical. But it isn’t something that we would think of ourselves. Giving contact for the paragraph basically makes all
* Reaction to Paragraph 3: There isn’t much detail for the FDA’s skincare recommendations, because we don’t know if they are responsible for regulating the chemicals found in skincare. The evidence used in this paragraph acknowledges this, and use this to get their points across. The FDA does recognize that that some skincare products can qualify as both cosmetics and drugs. They aren’t responsible that for that jurisdiction.
* Reaction to Paragraph 4: The author used we, as if we aren’t all consumers and all going through the same thing. We think we have the undivided attention of our reader, when they are focused on everything but what we’re saying. So if there is something that they need to know, teasing them with 1000 words isn’t going to keep them. No one cares about the backstory. Hook someone with the point, and then get to the backstory.
* Reaction to Paragraph 5: Companies are not required to relay their ingredients for the public to see. We don’t know who to blame for the things in cosmetics. It’s a failure of the regulatory process.
* Reaction to Paragraph 6: The notes the professor gave basically told the author to be more direct and straightforward, even though it’s only two sentences. The revisions are more attention grabbing and allows the writer to connect with the reader. It should be noted that make is seem like they’re trying to create a divide again between themselves and the audience.
* Reaction to paragraph 7: The paragraph beings by addressing Europe’s cosmetic regulations, but it never does actually compares them in the paragraph so value of the comparison is basically lost. Nailing down the differences between Europe and the United States is required
* When toy write a good opening. Don’t use you consecutively. If you use you three times in a sentence, then it creates a divide between you and your audience.
Definition Rewrite
Our 1st paragraph revision was very helpful. The original paragraph and the rewrite said the same thing, however, the revised paragraph makes a much stronger much clearer point. It is important to be able to provide the proper evidence in quotes, as well as throughout the entire paragraph to support your bold claim.
We should open our paragraph with our bold claim. Don’t tease the reader, hook their attention at the start of each paragraph.
The whole workshop was very helpful. I feel that my writing emulated a lot of how cookie monster writes. I am very excited for the rewrite process to see how I can improve my work.
We talked about paragraph 6 in the Definition workshop. The author, in our opinion, does not identify with the audience. It demonstrates his lack of concern.
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Readers want to know the severity of the health concern, especially if the author claims that lead poses a life-threatening threat. However, every product on the market has health issues.