Original paragraph:

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

My revision:

While the average adult maintains a stable career, social interactions, and personal relationships, these key factors of life are usually nonexistent in the life of an addict. Instead, they are preoccupied with criminal behavior such as breaking and entering or stealing, which heroin addicts in Vancouver have resulted in to fuel their dangerous addictions.

As a response to this, a program was created to give free heroin to addicts with the goal of minimizing the crime rates committed by them. Another benefit of the practice is that the lethal drugs are given to their victims in the most sanitary way possible. Hospitals are no longer forced to deal with the consequences of laced drugs or unsanitary needles which are more often than not, used by those who are unable to pay for the care they receive. The dilemma behind this is that while they are less likely to be hospitalized and commit crimes, there is no attempt made to ween them off of the drug. Vancouver benefits but at the unfortunate cost of these struggling peoples’ lives.