visual rewrite-redbird1123


This scene show a little girl looks like people are behind her and she has a confused look on face.The little girls look about 10 years old, the confused look on the little girl face makes you wonder why she is so confused.Then it fades into a man who has the same confusing look that the little girl had on her face.


Then this cuts into the man who has the confused look on his face putting on a solid color.Then putting on a another bright multi-color long sleeve shirt.We can see  he is in the forest because there is a whole bunch of trees and rocks.Then he puts on a solid tan color hat on.He must be part of some kind of animal because he doesn’t have normal hands, there is the green and yellow on nails claw looking hands.


Then cuts into the man with now we see the same color shirts, the hate and now he has a backpack on and sneackers.Looks like he is now going camping in the forest on a hike.Now you see more trees.


The man still has his backpack and hat and clothes on.Still in the forest but his face seems to be sad or tired.You can tell because his body is slumping and his arms and legs are bent to the ground and he has no happiness to him.


Then it turns to the man not in the forest no more.To 5 character who is on a ghost because you just see glasses.The next one looks like frankenstein,the next one is a long green face with sharp teeth and pointy ears and then a mummy and then a wolf with a dressy uo attire on.They all have this surprised or shocked looked on their face like something bad happened.There outside at night because you see the stars and the night air and you see lights.


Then it turns again to the now the both the little girl and the man is together.So we can now predict there either father and daughter.They are inside of building that has statues and long red carpet that runs in the middle of the hall.They dad and daughter are having a good time riding on a hotel bag cart.We can tell it’s a spooky house because of the lights and how deim it its.They are vampires because we can see from when the days smile you see fangs.


 There are still on the hotel cart thing,but now there is bags like they are going to be staying the night there for a couple weeks or days.They both have smiles on their faces.There is a someone that look like he work at the hotel with a red shirt and black.He seems to be fixins or keeping the place look nice.The cart thing looks like its  about to tip over because of how fast the dad is pushing the little girl.Now there is a skettling standing in the middle of the walk way.The dad has on black cap that is flying behind him and the little girl also has on all black with red shoes on.


Then it turns to where the dad is still pushing the little girl and they seem to be having so much fun.They then hit the the skettlen and his bones break and go all over the place.Then they hit another skettlen it looks like and then end up in this green bubble see thru slimy looking thing that has eyes.There in front of a elevator it looks like.They look kinda scared.


They are now still in the green slime thing with the hotel cart and everything else they had.Then are both hugging themselves and laughing like it was fun and happy.


They are outside and look like they are laughing.They are both looking at each other with smiles on their faces.They are sitting on like a stairway and now you see a sky with a moon in it.Its look like it is night because that’s the only time the moon comes out.


You still see the same thing the moon with stars.You see what looks like mountains in the background.Then you see two bats that are flying into the moon,which can possibly be them because the dad had a cap thing on and they are vampires.


Now you still see the two bats flying.Then as the camera turns you see that it’s the dad and daughter.The dad has pin eyes and the daughter has blue eyes.You can because she is a smaller bat and the dad is bigger bat.It is night time because bats only can fly or come out at night time.


They’re still flying in the night air.The dad is having a nervous look on his face.His wings are dropping down.Now the little girl’s wings are dropping down and they are down getting ready to fly downwards to a rock. 


There is now sliding down a rock at night still.There are trees like pine trees and night stars.The dad is hugging the daughter tightly and smiling at each other.Now there back to normal and the little girl is holding a gold key and there both smiling and excited.


The little girl is still hold the key.The dad has one hand on  the little girl shoulder.The dad is hunch over and looking at the little girl as she is turning the key inside the lock.The lock then drops to the ground.We can tell the dad is happy for the little girl because he is still holding and smiling at her.They are outside of building and the key also has bat wings on it.There is a whole bunch of scary animals standing outside.


We then see a grand opening sign like they just opened a building.The aniaminald look like there are clapping for them.The dad and daughter is now hugging each other.There is a light behind them.Then now the little girl is now older.They are now on stage with a skettle band on there left.


 They’re still on stage with a guy who is juggling.The guy has a goofy look on his face.He has these roller skates that you can’t miss.He has reddish crazy hair.She then turns the boy that’s on skate around in circles.


There still on stage the background is red drape and it looks like it an anniversary.She is now leaning on the boy with skates and looking into his eyes with a funny look on her face.The guy is not paying attention to her.Than the father comes in and has this smile on his face and the guy still has the goofy look on his face.The father hands are up.You tell the guy has Wife because he wearing a ring.


The dad move his hand back and forth.The girl is still leaning on the goofy boy.She has a ring on her finger.The guy skate is now lifted off the ground.The dad has on these pointed shoes and the daughter is stepping on top of them like there getting ready to dance.There is a rug underneath them.


The little girl is still on the day’s tip toe.They then separate their feet like they’re going to dance in a circle​.The girl has Red high top shoes one and a dress because her legs are showing.The back of his cap is purple and the outside is black.


Now the little girl is back a kid.She is holding her dad’s hand and looking up into eyes.There is a candle lite and stuff animal on a red chair.A brick wall and a fire pit.They both are happy because they are smiling.There is a old time record player and a carpet in the center of the floor and the floor is wood.


Then then take a step to the right or a sway to the right.The little girl is now growing to be older again.There is a green planet sitting on a wooden chest.There is a picture hanging on the wall.They look like there in a room having a good father and daughter dance.The chest has a lock on it and the main colors are red and brick.


The little girl leg is up and the room is now looks like is movie around because they are at a different angle now.There is big red chair with a leg rest with it.The fire pit is burning it orange and red.Still cant make out the picture yet.There is an open book on a chest.


The daughter has a scared look and she is now older.It looks like a glacier or a planet is behind her.She has black short hair and black top that covers her neck and then she smiles and her cheeks are red.


She now back dance with the dad.She holding hands like she is at prom.She has a wedding crown on and red necklace one.The dad and father is looking into each other eyes.Whit background and and a cake looking candle wedding thing


The dads have on tuck sedo on.The little girl is smiling because she is happy.The dad has a smirk on his face.The girl has a ring on finger.Then a bat with big wings and pointy ears.

0:25-0:26:The bat has black eyes and can be the dad.Behind is a blue screen and the little girl who is now older.She has on a strip tights and black dress.There is a word that says Dedication and her hand and pointing to it.


The bat flies back into the blue screen and the little girl is still holding her hand out to the word dedication.So when say that bat is her dad.She smiles and looks at the word and at the bottom it says it says something about having a father or being father.


That bat then becomes human, which turns out to be the dad.He is tall wearing the same black cap and shirt tie as he normally do.He is looking at the daughter with his hand out and smiling as she is still looking at the word and with a blue screen in the background.


The dad’s arms are folded,the little girl is still looking at the word.Now the dad is smiling and looking at the word and is standing straight like he is proud of himself.The little hand is on her hip and still has her hand out.


The dad smiles and the daughter is still in the same position and then the video ends.

can I please get a feed ba

This entry was posted in Portfolio RedBird, redbird, Visual Rewrite. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to visual rewrite-redbird1123

  1. redbird1123 says:

    can please give me feedback on if I did the virtual rewrite correct or what do I need to change or add to make it better

  2. davidbdale says:

    You’ve chosen the same video as Peanut, Redbird, and neither of you chose to tell your readers that the characters are animated and apparently recognizable characters from a full-length feature movie, probably about the central characters of a vampire Dad and Daughter. That note alone would help me visualize the scenes much better than anything else you could tell me.

    Take a look at classmates’ posts to get a sense of how much detail can be conveyed about a few frames.

    More importantly, while you’ve described the VISUAL CONTENT of most of the scenes, you’ve neglected the analyze the Rhetoric at all. What were the producer’s INTENTIONS? What is the message the ad is meant to convey? How does each small scene contribute to that message. In other words, since this 30-second spot, like all texts, is AN ARGUMENT, what’s the argument? And how is it communicated?

    What, for example, is the significance of the bat/s in this video?

    If you choose to revise, it would be smart to mix in some analysis of the ad’s effectiveness at conveying what you perceive to be its intended message with each shot.

    If you want further grade improvement, a good choice is to add a Post-Audio Analysis to describe how much your appreciation for the ad changed (or didn’t) after listening to the audio track.

    Your grade is not final, but you’ll have to be VERY SPECIFIC in your request if you want further advice on this post.

    Provisionally graded.
    Always eligible for Revisions and a Regrade.

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