Reducing Jargon and “Academese”
You will be tempted to “sound academic” when writing papers for college courses. Professors may make you feel it’s essential to your success that you sound like a language-making machine. Nothing could be more harmful to your style. Nothing could do more damage to your coherence.
“Academic” arguments say things like:
In light of the discussions that identify the implication of misrepresentation and exploitation of a subordinated culture by a dominant culture, the concept of cultural appropriation as an adverse inference has provided the ground for a contradiction. The countered argument redirects the notion of cultural appropriation with parameters and amplifiers that provide context to the wrongfulness that underlies cultural appropriation and sets the idea that there may be a dependent factor by the subordinate culture that must be met.
Believe it or not, the subject matter of that paragraph is K-Pop. Yes, the author wants us to know that Korean pop boy bands borrow (let’s say steal) dance moves, lyrics, attitudes of black American hip-hop artists. The argument is that such theft damages the original artists.
The language of the paragraph may be fine for an audience of other academics already well versed in the details of the topic under discussion. But if you’re not terribly skilled at such language, the result of trying to emulate it is usually disastrous. I suggest:
Many claim that borrowing or reinterpreting aspects of a weaker culture by a stronger one necessarily harms the weaker culture. But that is true, and the borrowing is wrong, only if the subordinate culture in some way depends on the dominant one. In other words, K-Pop bands can willfully “echo” dance moves and lyric tropes from American hip-hop without necessarily damaging any artist or label.
Some other examples.
It is difficult to imagine a society that is not influenced by music.
Music enlivens and shapes every society.
The influence that music has may be illustrated as forms of expression or ways of living that often indicate struggles, oppression, or movements against mainstream authoritative systems.
In lyrics and songs, musicians express their struggles against oppression.
Music artists, especially those within the hip hop genre, utilize their experiences to express their political and social views as a form of social activism.
As social activists, hip hop artists in particular deploy their art to express outrage at the status quo.
With the understanding of the cultural aspect of music creation, which considers these forms of expressions, the concept of cultural appropriation takes form as the exploitation of another culture’s music creation by utilizing their language, environment, political or personal struggles without understanding the cultural foundation.
The thoughtless appropriation of hip-hop “style” by artists disinterested in the personal struggles or politics of the original creators is exploitation for profit, pure and simple.
In the entertainment industry, the challenge that often impacts success stems from consumer behavior, economic growth, and the industry’s culture.
Even conscientious artists, if they want to achieve stardom, succumb to the demands of record companies to appeal to consumer demand.
Understanding that there is a financial benefit to making music and that success is impacted by selling music, the issue becomes finding ways to maximize the financial benefit.
Understandably, the music business is driven by a desire to please consumers. And that profit motive contaminates any respect artists may have for the cultures they “borrow” from.
Stardom in the music industry has become a stage where only a few musicians survive.
Only the most ruthless musicians achieve stardom.
How far the musician gets depends on the music industry’s adoption of the changes from consumer behavior and preferences to listening and purchasing music.
Those who cater to “whatever the consumers will buy” rise to the top.
This phenomenon has been indicated to impact monetary provision to music artists and creates the notion of “making it” in the music industry.
Success in music is measured by sales, not by quality or decency.
It is in this area of entertainment is where cultural appropriation takes its shape in a debate between a wrongful act of misrepresentation and exploitation versus cultural appreciation for the different cultural traditions.
What begins as cultural appreciation for the music of another culture quickly degrades into cultural appropriation for profit when money rules every decision.
In this arena, musicians struggle between adaptations to corporate suggestions such as producing, singing and dancing what is considered a “music hit” regardless of the negative impact that may come from a cultural appropriation challenge.
When making music is reduced to making profits, even conscientious musicians abandon their appreciation for other cultures in favor of producing “hits,” regardless of the harm to the artists they exploit.
In-Class Exercise
Copy and paste the paragraph below into the Reply field and “de-academize” it. Eliminating needless words is important, but MORE important is making clear and robust claims with whatever is left.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
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Counterintuitive Fall 2022 
Covid-19 has shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the instability of the society in we live in, part of which is the consequence of technological instability.
The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a disruption to our economic norms, especially considering unemployment. As a chaotic response ensued as a result of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less uncertainty. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
If it was up to me, I’d simplify the above paragraph to “COVID-19 make America bad bad”, but I’m not allowed to be lazy today.
“Economic, technological, and societal hardships caused America to respond poorly to the COVID-19 outbreak. Many people lost their jobs.”
Is that too much condensing?
The COVID 19 pandemic had caused instability in our society including losing jobs. Citizens in America were surprised by the economic instability which had shown once the pandemic had hit.
The instability in our technological was highlighted by the Covid-19 Pandemic. Along with that came an unseen drop in employment across the country. The health care systems that were thought to have been there to help us in a time of need were quickly overrun by the social unrest caused by the virus. Unsurprisingly, employment skyrocketed.
America was not prepared for the chaotic effects of the pandemic and for that reason had a large impact on the economy. Due to the effects of the pandemic, people did not have jobs making unemployment greater than it needed to be.
The Covid 19 pandemic caused the inevitable consequence of instability. There was a lot of people that had lost their jobs due to this. The health care systems were overrun by the social unrest which was caused by the virus.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability.
Chaos occurs when people do not follow social norms, as a direct result of technological instability.
The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population.
COVID-19 drastically changed societal norms, our economy, and the employment of many.
As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability.
American health institutions were well adapted for pandemics and outbreaks of the past, but were not prepared for a COVID-19 outbreak like the one that we had.
With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
While it is understandable that people may be unhappy at first, they did not expect America to struggle as much as it has, in comparison to other countries.
– (Original) Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
– (new) A pandemic such as COVID-19 has shown how much damage it can do to our society. Jobs, schools, and businesses were all strongly affected with many people losing their jobs and their businesses, while kids lost their education. The American response to the pandemic would have worked earlier, but in todays society, it caused more problems than good. Compared to other countries, America suffered in unemployment at the highest rates.
Due to the lack of preparedness for a pandemic, the United States got hit hard in their economy, and many people lost their jobs. Understandably enraged, the people gave the country much backlash for their poor response to the pandemic. When it was put to the test, unemployment still ran rampant in the U.S.
Covid-19 revealed the instability of American institutions. Negative effects on the economy and society were found to be worse in America than other countries, causing significant job losses.
The COVID-19 pandemic sparked a list of instabilities, including a disruption to economic norms. Many people lost their jobs, primarily due to the fact that there was a lack in preparation.
The transmission of Covid-19 caused a detrimental impact on our society and economy. Many places shut down such as schools, stores, and nonessential businesses which in turn left many people to collect unemployed. Despite the efforts of the United States, we as a country were not ready nor were we nearly prepared for the impact of a new pandemic.
Covid-19 evidently brought chaos to America in the form of a large underperformance in employment. The economic norms were put in disarray and shook the stability of America. People lost their jobs, businesses struggled, and children were deprived of education all while combating this pandemic.
The American reaction towards COVID-19 created disruption in our regular day lives. COVID-19 caused a great deal of damage to our economy and caused many people to lose their jobs. When asked to fix this problem and fix the employment rates, America underperformed when it was put to the challenge.
The Covid-19 pandemic disrupted society and caused a lot of people to lose their jobs. It is very evident that we did not have technologies to keep up with the rates of Covid so this caused fear and instability throughout the country. From this fear and instability America became the world leader in unemployment rates.
The COVID-19 pandemic caused widespread disruptions in American society. Overrun healthcare systems illustrated the strains as the Government failed to act with an appropriate systematic approach. With this newfound instability unemployment skyrocketed.
The effects of COVID-19 were detrimental to American society. Students were set back in terms of education because of their inability to stare at a computer screen for seven hours a day. On the other hand, countless members of the working class lost their sources of income due to businesses closing or making budget-cuts left and right.
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
(Revised)
Because the United States was not prepared to combat the COVID-19 pandemic, chaos ensued, leading to significant disruptions in our daily lives. The blowback and destabilization in our economic norms combined with technological instability caused by the virus, led to many citizens becoming unemployed.
The COVID-19 pandemic caused chaos in the American society. As a result of the instability, people were losing their jobs and the economy was negatively impacted as well.
(Old)
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
(New)
Technological instability has ushered in chaotic effects on an already divided society in America. We have reacted to the Covid-19 pandemic in a way that has disrupted our economy and left millions of Americans unemployed. It’s not surprising to see a divide in public opinion on the fight against Covid-19, but it’s unfathomable to see the unemployment rates spike compared to other countries worldwide. As the country crashed into disarray during the lockdowns, we were left wondering how leaders and health agencies didn’t prepare a country as technologically advanced as ours to destroy this pandemic like the previous.
Greater use of technology during the COVID-19 pandemic has led to societal issues arising. For instance, employment has dropped to a dangerous low due to more individuals wanting to work from home. Heath institutions have also faced struggles in using technology appropriately to treat the illness. When society is changed in dramatic ways, it is only reasonable to suspect that negative effects will result. This shows through the drop in unemployment during the pandemic.
Due to the United States being completely unprepared, the pandemic caused major chaos within the country. No one understood how free and fortunate we really were until Covid-19. Many people lost their jobs, businesses, family members, education, etc. No one was ready for this, nor prepared.
Old- Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
New- The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms. COVID-19 caused millions of Americans to opt for the option to work from home. As the country continued to spiral downwards, many Americans lost their jobs and the healthcare industry was hit with a surge of patients causing chaos throughout.
A lack of preparation and technological instability when related to COVID-19 has proven its chaotic effects and consequences like societal disruption, and employed citizens all around the US suddenly found themselves jobless. As Americans reacted to the skyrocketing unemployment rate, it became apparent that the US health system was not capable of fending off such a pandemic.
The Covid 19 pandemic disrupted our society’s economic norms and resulted in many people losing their jobs. The number of individuals who lost their source of income due to the pandemic is outrageous. Our technological advances were not enough to hold off the inevitable virus. Unemployment rates became America’s biggest problem from now on.
The COVID-19 pandemic has revealed the technological instability of America. This damage was due to the lack of preparation, since the U.S has not experienced a hurdle in the form of a widespread disease on this scale in recent years. It is reasonable to expect this blow to American life will cause a negative reaction through the next few years in the form of economical and social issues.
Covid 19 caused people to lose there job and homes.Also how covid effect the American health and was mad buy chaos and there were negative behavior and effect the society badly
{old}Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
{new :D} Disruption in the norm has proven to be a chaotic time of those living during it. When COVID-19 impacted America it came with large economic effects. The response caused many Americans to lose jobs and spiral the nation. Unlike other nations that took proper precautions don’t face the large scale unemployment as America does.
America suffered heavy loss with the COVID-19 pandemic, leaving it’s people with unstable incomes and uncertainty. The United States was not technologically prepared for this pandemic, unlike other countries who haven’t had the same rates of unemployment in comparison. The younger generations found themselves losing their jobs, businesses, not being able to attend school, losing their families etc. This raises the question if it was an already existing problem in society.
The COVID-19 pandemic’s disruption to jobs and the American economy revealed the broader instability of American society and technology. Healthcare and government institutions, stuck in the past, failed to handle a pandemic of the modern era. Said pandemic was bound to conflict with social norms, but sure enough when America was put to the test, employment collapsed under the weight of COVID-19.
The COVID-19 pandemic has put a spotlight on the instability of jobs in America. It has become clear that American institutions were not prepared to deal with something of this scale. With anything that requires the government to take action, it is reasonable to expect some negative feedback to their decisions. However, unlike many other nations during the pandemic that were better prepared, America suffered large-scale unemployment.
Original paragraph :
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
New paragraph :
Covid-19 has a great effect on everyone’s life and a memorable year. It has given out the instability of technology of America. Many people have lost their jobs and being unemployed for months. The covid-19 pandemic has disrupted economies and employment. This is how the effect still exists. .
Societal disruption has demonstrably shown its chaotic effects and thereby illuminated the inherent instability of the society in question, part of which is the inevitable consequence of technological instability. The American reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic produced a significant disruption to our economic norms, particularly but not exclusively in the relative employability of large parts of the population. As a chaotic response ensued from the outset of the pandemic, it became evident to anyone who wished to see that American health and bureaucratic institutions were armed to combat not this new pandemic but perhaps one of an earlier generation, for which such a chaotic response would have produced less instability. With any disruption to broad systemic norms of societal behavior, it is reasonable to expect some negative blowback and destabilization. However, when America—unlike many other nations that did not experience deep negative performance losses—was put to the test, a large underperformance in employment ensued.
– COVID-19 has disrupted society economically since there was a decrease in employments. American health facilities were not prepared for the level of effects that came with COVID-19 since it was not similar to previous viruses. It was expected for society to become disoriented due to the virus, but, we were surprisingly affected deeply by the unemployment rate.
The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted the economy as there was an increase in unemployment. Healthcare facilities were not equipt to handle the effects of COVID-19 as it was a new virus we had not seen before. Because of the new strain, chaos was expected, just not in the form of increased unemployment.
With the COVID-19 pandemic it created a societal disruption particularly to employment in America. In response to Americans not being prepared many people lost their jobs and unemployment rose.