Not Because – Rubes

1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.

Coats was fired for violating workplace policy regarding marijuana.

2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.

An employer is prohibited from firing a person for taking prescribed medication for their anxiety.

3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.

Marijuana is legal in Colorado, so why is it being treated differently then alcohol?

4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.

Coats was only trying to treat his pain, and shouldn’t have been fired.

5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.

The marijuana use was able to ease the pain of the spasms he was enduring.

6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.

Coats only smoked on his own time and wasn’t harming anyone at his job.

BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.

7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.

The secret service stopped Omar Gonzalez from getting into the White House

8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it  responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.

The White House being breached doesn’t require the secret service to explain their actions.

9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.

Chief Julia Pierson might be fired for her incompetence and not her testimony.

10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.

The Secret Service used lethal force, due to the breaching of the White House, not the knife.

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1 Response to Not Because – Rubes

  1. davidbdale says:

    1. Inventive!
    2. Good.
    3. Let’s replace the Rhetorical Question with a declarative claim.
    Marijuana is legal in Colorado, so why is it being treated differently then alcohol?
    4. Not bad.
    5. You sort of cheated here by eliminating the details instead of fixing them.
    6. Good, but watch out for your “only”s. Coats smoked only on his own time.
    7. See 5.
    8. Actually the breach does require explanation. Their response doesn’t.
    9. Beautiful.
    10. Maybe you’re just messing with me. The Secret Service did not use deadly force.

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