Visual Rewrite – Schoolcookiemoster

0.01 – The film camera is pointing towards the windows which are in the background of a man in his 20s drawing on a piece of large paper. The large windows in the background have a view of a couple of large buildings making me think this ad is taking place in the city. It seems to be daytime since the sun is beaming into what looks like a studio apartment since the levels of the other building seem to be similar in height. The studio is painted in a nice white color and looks modern and clean. The studio is spacious and there is a set of chairs and a table that are empty in the left corner of the room. The chairs seem to represent a seat open for anyone who enters the studio. The camera is filming at a slightly tilted position that is leaning towards the right. A large piece of paper is laid out on the right side of the room, possibly on a table since the man is leaning against the paper. There is an image of a hand on the paper and the man is holding a marker quite possibly making him an artist. The man appears to be Asian and is wearing a casual outfit consisting of a  beany and a sweatshirt making him appear like a friendly person.  

0.03 – The camera is moving closer to the man drawing on the large piece of paper. The two chairs and table get out of the scene. The large piece of paper that has a drawing of many different lines connecting to one another is drawn in a black marker. Which could mean the man drawing is experiencing some deep feelings of loneliness or emotions that can be expressed by his drawing. The man also has a colorful bracelet on his right hand which could be a sign of his gender identification or a showcase of his childish side.

0.05 – The camera keeps moving closer to the man and pictures start flashing quickly, sorta like a flashback. The pictures look like they were printed out and had an older filter on them. The first one is a picture of a young boy about five years old and an older woman are shown. The picture looks grainy and low quality which makes it look like it has been a couple of years since it has been taken. The boy is looking down at something and so is the woman who I assume is the boy’s mother. The woman is smiling and this seems like a good memory. The next picture has three individuals. The one on the far left looks like the Asian man that was drawing on the paper before. The man seems to have a bit of his tuxedo and white shirt showing which could mean he is at a fancy event. There is an older woman in the middle and a younger female on the right-hand side. Both women look like they are of Asian descent and everyone is smiling. This photo looks like it’s a family picture of a son, mother, and daughter since the individuals look very alike. The third picture looks like it was torn based on the rough edges which are a sign of the rough times the man experienced in his family. The picture has an older man in the middle who has older hair and is holding what looks like his son on the left-hand side and his daughter on the left-hand side. The two children that might be siblings look like they are about two to three years old. Everyone is dressed in casual clothes and seems to be happy based on their smiles. The last picture looks like it was taken on picture day at school. It looks like a picture of the man drawing in the first few scenes when he was in kindergarten. The boy looks happy based on his facial expression which looks excited based on the glow in his eyes and happiness which is shown by a big smile. 

0.06 – The camera is directed back at the man drawing specifically his upper body and face. The Asian man is looking down as he continues to draw and has a facial expression of himself thinking. It seems as if the pictures that were flashing were his flashbacks from his past and he might be thinking about how much he has changed over. The camera pushes away from the man.

0.08 – There is a switch in perspective where the camera is right next to the Asian man drawing. The screen is only showing the large paper that is covered in a black marker with an image of a hand that is drawn with black lines around it. The background is blurry and the main focus is the man’s yellow sweatshirt sleeve as he draws with a large marker that seems to be almost out of black ink. The yellow sweatshirt is colorful and vibrant which makes me feel as if all the love and passion this man has in his drawings are represented by his clothes and transferred onto paper with a marker. The man has a silver ring in his right hand. There is also a wooden board that is also in the background. It looks worn out like this man has been drawing for a long time. The camera moves in the same direction as the marker and shows more of the drawing.

0.10 – The camera shows a view of a road and a gray mini cooper that drives into the screen from the top right. The roof of the car is painted with primary and secondary colors such as red, yellow, and blue. The vibrant colors remind me of an artist quite possibly the Asian man who might have some of his artwork on his own car. The car gives off this energy of feeling welcomed and accepted. The colorful roof makes the car look like a fun environment to be a part of and quite possibly makes the driver a very down-to-earth person. There is a sidewalk on the left-hand side of the screen that has trash bags which may be a sign that this ad is taking place in a city. 

0.12 – The video camera is following the car and zooming into the roof. The middle of the roof has a painted hand that is yellow with a white eye and a colorful pupal. Surrounding the hand is a random array of red and orange shapes. The perimeter of the roof is filled with shapes that consist of different shades of blue. All the colors of the shapes are not separated by a black perimeter but rather complement one another. The bright colors are placed right next to each other in the painting. This painting is the same one that the Asian man was drawing at the beginning of the video. 

0.14 – The camera angle changes to be in the car looking at the driver’s steering wheel. The right arm has a couple of colorful bracelets that look like children make them. This bracelet identifies the man to be the Asian man who was drawing before since he also had the same exact colorful bracelet on his right hand. The driver is wearing a gray sweater that gives off this causal energy.  The driver’s fingernails are short and have no nail polish on them making me think this is most likely a man. Quite possibly the man that was drawing in his studio apartment earlier. 

0.15 – The camera shows a front seat passenger view of the man who draws to be in the driver’s seat of the mini cooper.  The man is wearing colorful sunglasses making me think he sees his life from a positive perspective. The words,” We all know what it’s like to feel left out” might mean that this ad is about coming together as a community. The colorful art displayed so far throughout this video makes me believe that the message is positive and wants people to come together.

0.17 – The scene changes to the Asian man meeting up with two friends on the streets of a city. The camera is showing the meeting of the two men from a side angle showing the Asian man who draws on the left and an African American man on the right. The African American man is tall, put together, and looks like he is rocking a mix of casual and formal clothing. The tall man is also wearing a silver ring on his left hand and seems to be a photographer since he has a camera over his neck. There seems to be some lady in the background that seems to also be meeting up with the Asian artist and African American man. She has a beautiful afro and is dressed in an all-black outfit. They look like they went out for coffee and know each other pretty well. The background is very colorful and shows a form of art known as graffiti which has been a common theme throughout this video. 

0.18 – The camera moves to only show the Asian man who is still outdoors and seems happy to be with his friends. His outfit is a black beanie and a natural sweatshirt that has a pattern. The background really pops and the man looks almost like a silhouette. 

0.19 – Some person on the street is moving in front of the camera and walking toward the woman with the big afro. This person is wearing a burnt red jacket and an orange scarf.

0.20 – The person with the orange scarf is an  African American woman who is now showing her face. The orange scarf lady and the big afro lady are walking next to each other. The lady that is wearing the orange scarf is holding a cup and has a silver ring on the left side of her hand. The woman with the afro is still in the frame and she seems to have a smile on her face making me think she is comfortable. The camera angle changes once again and the audience sees the Asian man in front with a big and excited smile on his face, the lady with an afro is in back of him on the left-hand side and the lady that has an orange scarf in on the Asian man’s back right-hand side. The woman with the orange and red outfit is looking at the other woman and showing a sense of happiness with her smile and eye contact as the other woman also seems joyful with her presence. To the far left, In the background, there is a man with a bright orange sweatshirt which could be a symbol of community and the similarity these individuals have with each other. Even though this man is not joining the group he does express happiness with his bright clothing choices. 

0.21 – The camera moves at a slight angle to the left away from the group and the man in the bright orange color disappears. A garage door that is black and yellow shows up on the left-hand side to what seems like to take the man’s spot. It seems like anyone can join their group and there is always an open spot for positive people to create a strong community. The background also looks like there are multiple garage doors that are being painted into beautiful murals.

0.22 – The entire friend group is shown crossing the street and looking at a bigger mural of the hand that the Asian man drew. The murals are shown in the middle of the city since there are tons of cars parked on the street. The mural is covering a part of what looks like an abandoned building that is yellow and stained from the weather. Next to the mural is an ad that says, “Together” and has an image of the hand mural on top of a car. On the bottom right corner of the screen, the mini cooper is peaking through with part of the mural that is drawn on the roof. The scene feels like a movement toward acceptance of all and a form of unity which is shown by art. In the middle of the screen in a white letter, it says, “We can change that.” In my opinion, this means that the group of friends is trying to help people see what true community looks like no matter what your appearance, hobbies, or knowledge may be.  There is a woman in a car on the right-hand side that is looking toward the mural. This is a great way to show how the vibrant colors of the hand mural are what will attract people to come together and enjoy a piece of art and a sense of community.

0.24 – The women in the friend group are raising their hands like they reached victory. A man from a different part of the street in a yellow jacket is also crossing the street. This is an even better visual of how people are willing to walk together to become a community one step at a time.

0.25 – The camera moves to a point of view of a bystander who is next to a patio where there are lights hanging up above and the hand mural is surrounded by other murals around it. The other murals are filled with tons of vibrant colors and ideas of what beauty and art are. The camera angle feels a bit isolated to the side of a patio which can be a sign that even outsiders can see their point of view of the message or even its beauty. There are apartment buildings in the background which shows how the community is coming together and working as a team to bring positivity even in a large city.

0.26 – On the right-hand side of the video there is a bolded slogan saying, “Belonging Begins With Us.” This statement makes me understand that the concept of this video was to make people feel included and that only can happen if we make a change. This slogan proves that the video was based on spreading positivity to make others feel included and recognized. The positivity is represented by the colorful Mural in the background. 

Effectiveness of the ad: I do not think this video was easy to follow and understand since it did take a lot of time to see each and every detail and connect each piece to the storyline. Without stopping the video for every second as a viewer it can become confusing to understand what the director is trying to accomplish. It is hard to connect the storyline pieces to the conclusion that this ad’s intentions are to make people feel included. Without listening to the audio and even with it on there is no added information about what the director is trying to prove to the viewer. I think the team who created this concept for inclusivity is making the watchers think too much about what is happening in the video instead of getting to the point. Overall I think the video should have had a much easier story to follow with more written statements throughout the video.

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2 Responses to Visual Rewrite – Schoolcookiemoster

  1. davidbdale's avatar davidbdale says:

    I have not watched the video, Cookie, except for the brief glimpses we gave ourselves in class last week. I will not watch it during this first set of feedback. Instead, I’ll try to experience the video FROM YOUR DESCRIPTION ONLY.

    0:01 I love your opening paragraph, Cookie. It’s a beautiful blend of visual details and interpretation. If you continue in this vein, my notes should be brief.

    0:03 The ambiguous signaling of the bracelet is very insightful.

    0:05 You don’t say WHY we should be viewing multiple photographs (are they still photos? or brief video clips?) of the man’s youth and family. Your audience brain probably doesn’t know why either, but you can help us understand the value of the images by sharing with your readers why you THINK we’re seeing these images WHILE YOU’RE WATCHING THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME. It’s hard to re-live that moment, but valuable to this assignment. One last question: Does the director present these as Memory Images? or as Physical Photos? In other words, do we see the edges of the pictures?

    0:06 This partially answers my question. Focusing on his “thoughtful” face, if that’s what it is, is a director’s way of saying, “We’ve been watching what he was seeing in his mind’s eye.”

    0:08 Readers not watching the video are increasingly curious about the drawing. All we know so far is “black lines,” but does that mean a pile of pickup sticks, or does that mean a the fat outlines of a cartoon?

    0:10 As the viewer, do you withhold judgment all the way to here, or is your brain struggling to make sense of this crazy montage of images? By the way, do you suspect that the artist is the driver of the car?

    0:12 By any chance are the hand and the shapes contained by fat black outlines of the type the artist is drawing?

    0:14 This might be a good time to congratulate the director for planting the clue of the bracelet in this scene to alert us to the driver’s identity.

    0:15 I appreciate your positivity so much, Cookie. My darker interpretation of “we all know what it feels like to be left out” is that we’re going to concentrate on the negative aspects of exclusion. Did something in the video itself persuade you that the message would be positive (or at least hopeful), or is your sunny outlook your own innate perspective?

    0:17 I’m confused about the number of people here. Is the African American man also the tall man? Are there three men altogether? Are there any partners or couples here?

    0:18 Is this outdoors? Graffiti usually is, unless it’s being highlighted as curated art in a gallery.

    0:19 It might not be crucial to know, but are the new people JOINING the group on the sidewalk, or is this just other happy people in the community walking past to indicate that the neighborhood is JUST FULL of happy people gathering and strolling?

    0:21 Lovely interpretation of the blank “open” spot. But, your reader wants to know: was the disappearance of the man and the appearance of the open space or black door a camera trick? Or do you simply mean that the departure of the man revealed the door that he was obscuring?

    0:22 Beautiful work, Cookie. You haven’t yet tied the drawing from 0:01 to all the rest of the art (on the car roof) (on the buildings). At what point did it occur to you that the Asian artist was working on THESE images in his studio?

    0:24 Yeah. Like that.

    0:25 So, you think this last image is from the point of view of a “bystander” unconnected with the core group of artists, someone who will start to be attracted to the way art can brighten a drab urban environment? Or someone on the periphery of the community who might be attracted to the camaraderie on the street? Is there any text here? No parting message? No logos? No call to action? “We can fix that” is pretty vague. What’s your final take on how successful the ad was? Would you recommend improvements to the creative team?

  2. schoolcookiemonster's avatar schoolcookiemonster says:

    Thank you for the feedback I will look back at my visual rewrite and add some more details to make the writing resemble even more of a visual for the reader.

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