Titles that start the argument
Imagine if the show had been called The Thing Most People Don’t Know About Buffy. She seems to be a normal, awkward high school girl, but after classes she’s up most of the night slaying vampires. Shouldn’t we tell our readers that one fact about her if we can before they decide to spend their time somewhere else?
Answer: Yes, we should.
To what degree do the following titles achieve the clarity and impact of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
- Let’s Make It Harder to Shop By Having Too Many Options to Choose From
- Needs a Title
- Macronutrient Management
- Child Euthanasia Will Not Increase Child Deaths
- Needs a Title
- The Protein Supplement War
- Spectators Cause Elephant Cruelty due to the Thrill of the Show
- Needs a Title
- How Health Care Affects Prescription Statistics
- 28 Billion Dollars Worth of Lies
- Happiness Cannot be Found
- Suicide Ride—Switching the Railway
- PTSD Brings the Battlefield Home
- Choose the Right Door: Understanding the Monty Hall Problem
- Should I even want to be happy?
- How to Live Forever . . . or Longer
- Needs a Title
Can we improve just one?
Suppose instead of that informative but longish explanation about the cause and effect relationship between the spectators at the circus and the treatment of the elephant performers, we titled our article:
- The Cruelty of Watching
I think that might sufficiently intrigue readers to make them read the first sentence. Once they start, the job of the first sentence will be . . . . (say it all together, please):
Get them to read the second sentence
Which one does a better job?
Version 1. One of an American’s favorite pastimes is taking the family out to one of the most spectacular shows on earth, the circus.
Version 2. Elephants wouldn’t be slaughtered for their tusks if the Chinese didn’t buy tons of ivory.
Which is the better second sentence?
Version 1. One of the most popular acts of the circus is when the large elephants, completely obedient and organized, dance and even balance on one foot raising their two front feet in the air.
Version 2. And the same gentle beasts wouldn’t be starved, or disciplined with cattle prods, if we didn’t pay money to see them dance in tutus.
EXERCISE 1.
- Visit the Causal Argument post of any one classmate (or more if you like).
- Read the argument carefully to understand its most potent and provocative claim.
- In the Reply field, offer a substitute title and the first sentence of a revised first paragraph. (Or the first two or three sentences if your revision requires slightly more words.)
EXERCISE 2.
- First complete Exercise 1.
- Then return to this post and rewrite as many popular culture titles as you like (Movies, TV shows, Books, music CDs) in the Reply field, one title per Reply.
- If the original title is horrible, improve it.
- If the original title is already genius, suckify it.
- Provide only the rewritten titles.
- Invite your classmates to guess the originals.
alwaystired247
AnonymousStudent
azntaco
beforeverge
BigBabyBaller
bitagaming
breakingbad1820
Caravan
cinderella1013
davidbdale
Yankeelover18
fatboy489zt
giantsfan224
glacierfreeze21
gobirds17
green0728
gymrat230
Gir
jerseymikes1106
jesusisking1738
jetsfan806
Kenneth Alex Krug
manipulator66
mercythyhealer14
McCormick Karner
mochaatrain
oni
powerranger
peanut2348
pinkcottoncandy4
princess01430
redbird1123
rubes1256
shxrkbait
sillyinternetperson
soulpond47240
spatel8267
stingingcrib5
tacotyphoon
thepersonindisguise
usmnt23
worldofjuice999
xephos1
Counterintuitive Fall 2022 
Tales of a love story, Vietnam veteran, Shrimp boat captain, cross country runner, and a father
A Father Who is so Stricken with Worry that His Son Might Have Born Damaged that the Moment He Hears He Has a Child Gives Tom Hanks the Chance to Play Perhaps the Most Touching Scene in his Long and Deservedly Distinguished Career. That one?
Blue Crush
Drowning in Blue
Looks like you solved this one for us.
Bottom of the Atlantic
Nice one. By the way, sometimes, as an exercise, I summarize the story of that movie in shorter and shorter paragraphs until I get it down to about six words, and never mention the boat.
The Nuclear-Powered DeLorean That Can Travel Through Time When it Reaches 88 Miles Per Hour.
And not a mph faster or slower. Good one.
Ryan, the private in need of saving
That’s really funny because it gets the emphasis all wrong on purpose, as if the movie’s about Ryan instead of about the saving. I love it.
A team of teens own a talking dog and journey in a psychedelic van to solve absurd mysteries and occasionally meet batman, robin, and the harlem globetrotters.
I cannot believe I spelled “team” wrong
Ruh-Roh. Shouldn’t you have removed this once you were able to correct your misspelling? 🙂
The Story Which Is Just As Long As The Title That Describes The Events Which Led Me To Meet Your Mom.
Never heard of it.
The Artist Formally Known as Snoop Lion
Funny. I’m also a fan of The Artist Formerly Known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
Intersteller Monks: Episode I- Some Guy With a Red Face kills Liam Neeson
Interstellar Monks: Episode II- Digital Effects Attack Your Eyes
Interstellar Monks: Episode III: Better Than the Last Two
Interstellar Monks: Episode IV- You Should Probably Just Start Here
Interstellar Monks: Episode V- Arguably The Best Film Ever Made
Interstellar Monks: Episode 6- Surprise, Deep Voice is A Good Guy Again
Don’t you know how to make a 6 in roman numerals? 🙂
I guess you can consider that part of the bad title joke