No Second Person Language
Writing instructors disagree on which voice is most appropriate in your essays, partly because in some writing, first person is acceptable while in others it’s prohibited. (Also because those other instructors are wrong.)
Round Tables have no Sides
Trust me on this: we is always a good choice for all but the most formal academic assignment, and certainly for the writing you will do in this course. Nothing builds trust and persuasiveness faster than acknowledging we’re as mystified and surprised by the world around us as our readers.
Keep My Name Outcha Mouth
Trust me on the opposite too. Nothing makes us sound preachy and arrogant faster than addressing our readers as you. Even in generalizations like “when you think about it,” we are being too personal for academic writing and risk alienating our readers.
So now that I’ve prohibited you from saying “I believe,” or “I think,” or “in my opinion,” but also from using common language like “when you think about money this way,” what’s left? The beautiful and oh-so-effective first person plural:
We feel this way about money because we’ve been taught to feel this way.
In your rewrites, you’ll ditch most of the “When I first read the essay, I thought” reflectiveness in favor of a more arms-length analysis. Here’s a bit of advice to a classmate:
Remember, in your rewrite, you’ll ditch the “I could not help but think” language. You’ll be writing about the peculiarities of money, representative value, and abstract currency, but not about your “reactions” to it. Since your readers know nothing about Yap and its gigantic limestones, it’s your job to inform them briefly while at the same time making your point. For example, here, you’d be saying: The people of Yap, whose “coins” were gigantic limestone disks too big to move, didn’t even bother to transfer physical ownership of their money, but merely let their community know that the massive rocks indicative of great wealth had “changed hands.”
Here’s an example of perfectly acceptable spoken language that is prohibited in written essays:
There are many counterintuitive life lessons you could learn. Many of them go against common sense and yet leave you off better than you would be if you normally followed your gut. These lessons include the more you try to impress someone means the less they will like you since you’re trying so hard at it. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more you learn, the less you know. When you learn something, your horizons broaden so much that more questions are asked after the one you just answered.
Here’s the same paragraph scoured of its 2nd-person violations:
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less.
In-class Exercise:
In the Reply box below, complete the rewrite I’ve begun here, eliminating all 2nd-person language.
alwaystired247
AnonymousStudent
azntaco
beforeverge
BigBabyBaller
bitagaming
breakingbad1820
Caravan
cinderella1013
davidbdale
Yankeelover18
fatboy489zt
giantsfan224
glacierfreeze21
gobirds17
green0728
gymrat230
Gir
jerseymikes1106
jesusisking1738
jetsfan806
Kenneth Alex Krug
manipulator66
mercythyhealer14
McCormick Karner
mochaatrain
oni
powerranger
peanut2348
pinkcottoncandy4
princess01430
redbird1123
rubes1256
shxrkbait
sillyinternetperson
soulpond47240
spatel8267
stingingcrib5
tacotyphoon
thepersonindisguise
usmnt23
worldofjuice999
xephos1
Counterintuitive Fall 2022 
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. As goes the same for romantic relationships. Also, When our brains learn something new, the less we know. we can only ask questions to things we already have basis knowledge on. When we learn something new it broadens our horizons to a whole new book of questions that have not been answered.
—Are you sure you want to say “As goes the same for,” Marcus?
—You mean, “When our brains learn . . . we know less,” don’t you?
—”ask questions to things”?
—”have basis knowledge on”?
—”broadens our horizons to a whole new book”?
This is hard, isn’t it?
It’s hard to write when you’re trying to throw YOU out the window. How can I write if i’m gone? Although this is exactly what i want to say.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This also applies to romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is that when more learned, is actually means that less is known. When a question is asked, more questions sprout from the answer to more branches of questions.
Oops, grammar fix.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This also applies to romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is that when more is learned, the truth is that less is actually known. When a question is asked, more questions sprout from the answer to more branches of questions.
Better.
“questions sprout from the answer to more branches”?
Maybe…
When a question is asked, the answer branches to more unanswered questions.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This message is applicable to romantic relationships as well. The more you learn, the less you know is a well known counterintuitive statement. When you extend you knowledge of the world your often left with a lot of unanswered questions.
Woops.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This message is applicable to romantic relationships as well. It’s often said the more we learn the less we know. This is a popular counterintuitive statement. When we extend our knowledge of the world we’re often left with a lot of unanswered questions.
Nice.
There are many counterintuitive life lessons one could learn. Many of them go against common sense. These lessons include the more one tries to impress someone means the less they will like them since their trying so hard at it. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more one learns, the less one knows. When something is learned, horizons start to broaden so much that more questions are asked after the one that was just answered.
You’ll naturally resist when I try to deprive you of yet another easy way to say things, but I wouldn’t recommend resorting to the “one” language more than once per paragraph. It sounds ludicrously formal and gets irritating very quickly. It works. It’s legal. But the same could be said for tire chains: functional but they make that awful racket.
Better than any pronoun substitute, pronoun elimination is the best remedy. Instead of: “There are many counterintuitive life lessons one could learn. Many of them go against common sense.” Why not?: “Most counterintuitive life lessons go against common sense.”
Also, once we say it that way, it’s obvious that all counterintuitive life lessons go against common sense.
There are many counterintuitive life lessons people can learn. Many of them go against common sense and yet leave one off better than they would be if they normally followed their gut. These lessons include the more that someone tries to impress someone means the less they will like that person. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more someone learns, the less they know. When one learn something, their horizons broaden so much that more questions are asked after the one they just answered.
Ryan, the best reason to eliminate pronouns when possible is to avoid grammar errors of number disagreement. One and someone are both singular, while they is plural, so they can’t be mixed. Your version above makes six such fatal errors of the type: Someone left their cake out in the rain. Of course, we don’t want to be sexist and say: Someone left her cake out in the rain. So the best advice I can offer is to eliminate the pronoun altogether: Someone left a cake out in the rain. (You’re looking at a cake in the rain; do you really need to be surmising whether it was left by its owner or by its accidental custodian? It’s a cake. Leave it at that.)
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. The idea of “less is more” is a perfect description. With counterintuitive subject matter, the reader is thrown for a loop, when the natural intuition of the average human is questioned in a mind-boggling way.
That’s what I’m talking about. Our efforts. Results come from trying. The reader is thrown. This is a nice combination of several effective remedies, Alex. First person plural, passive voice, and the elimination of unnecessary pronouns.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. These lessons go against common sense, but eventually lead us to a better understanding of outcomes that we might have wanted and tried desperately for, but instead take us in another direction. The vast amount of counterintuitive subjects allow us to explore how one option or path may seem like a better road, but allow us to learn and broaden our understanding of the world around us.
That works, Taylor. You’ve gone with a universal first-person-plural substitution. Practice this until it feels natural and you’ll never run into trouble getting your pronouns to match in number.
One other note though: We can count subjects, so we calculate them in number, not amount.
Correct: A vast amount of counterintuitivity.
Correct: A vast number of counterintuitive subjects.
Correct: Many counterintuitive subjects.
Incorrect: A vast amount of subjects.
An easier example:
Correct: A large amount of money
Correct: A large number of dollar bills
Incorrect: A large number of money
Incorrect: A large amount of dollar bills
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This can be applied to romantic situations. When learning about a new subject we become so fascinated that the more we learn the less we know. Our horizons are broadened and our pursuit of knowledge is endless.
Mm-hmm. Just so, Casmir.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is that knowledge does not always lead to answers. When we learn something, often, our newfound answers simply lead to more questions.
Yep. Just like that, Rachel.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more we learn, the less we know, because when we learn something, our horizons broaden so much that more questions are asked.
That’s got it, Benjamin, except for the awkwardness of that last “are asked” [by us]. We ask more questions seems less clumsy, but that may just be [my] personal preference.
There are many counter intuitive life lessons to be learn. These lessons include impress someone more by not trying so hard & knowing less the more we learn. When something is learned, more questions develop than the one just answered.
Wonderful ambition, but you may be working way too hard, Vinny. Now that you’ve laid down the challenge though, let’s see just how short we can make this baby.
One of many counter intuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This is also applicable to romantic relationships. The more we learn, the less we actually know, because of our pursuit of knowledge making it counterintuitive. Our horizons broaden so much that when one of the questions is answered, a whole plethora of new ones arise.
This is creative and almost entirely successful, Luke. My only objection is to the “because of our pursuit of knowledge making in counterintuitive.” First you should simplify it to “because our pursuit of knowledge makes it counterintuitive,” but once that’s done, explaining what “it” is is not easy.
Many counterintuitive life lessons can be learned, some of which may go against common sense, leaving a person better off instead of following gut instincts. A lesson that can be learned may include trying to impress someone but ultimately getting rejected due to trying too hard. In contrast, this lesson of being a try-hard can be seen in relationships– the more information given, the less one actually knows. After learning something new that was once questioned, it may leave one wondering even more.
I apologize for making you do this, Angela. You’ve eliminated all the second-person language, but the substitutions make your paragraph almost unintelligible. I know it wasn’t your paragraph and that the exercise is unnatural, but I beg you to use the easy remedy of the first-person “we” and avoid this combination of passives, ones, and persons. You wouldn’t have created this mess without my interference.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This could also apply to romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more people learn, the less we know. When we learn something new, our horizons broaden so much that more questions are asked after the one just answered.
Just one thing, Erik. Are the “people” who learn, the same as the “we” who know less? Are do we know less because of what other people learn? You see the confusion. Much simpler and logical is: the more we learn, the less we know.
Another value gained from the article is the inherent danger in achieving further knowledge. When answering rudimentary questions, the horizons to more burdensome questions arise.
Forgot to incorporate your addition: One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This could also apply to romantic relationships.
Taken together, your two replies add up to a nice solution. Just one thing: “When answering rudimentary questions, the horizons to more burdensome questions arise.” Do you see that in this sentence the horizons ask rudimentary questions?
Many important counterintuitive life lessons go against common sense, but would benefit many if they were to take the risk. One of these lessons teach that the harder someone tries to impress others, the more they push others away, which also applies romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more one learns, the less they know. When someone learns something, their horizons broaden so much that more questions arise then answers.
Replacing “you” with “someone” has created a new set of grammar errors for you, Josue. Since “someone” is singular, it can’t be paired with “they.” Since the singular pronouns “he” and “she” have gender issues, staying in the plural is the less conflictive [my new word] choice.
One more thing: “One of these lessons teach” is a good enough reason to avoid “one of,” “a type of,” “this sort of,” and “the kind of” language altogether. It’s rarely useful and always avoidable. What you mean is: “Of these lessons, one teachES . . . .” or: “One of these lessons teaches . . . .”
But “one lesson teaches” or “one such lesson teaches” are cleaner and don’t risk conflict.
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less. This concept can also be applied toward romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is that as we learn, we end up knowing less. As we learn, our horizons broaden significantly, resulting in us asking many more questions after our initial one has been answered.
Yeah, Ryan. That’s got it.
Many
of thecounterintuitive life lessons go against common sense. However, they often produce better results than if wewere togo with our gut instincts. For instance the more we try to impress others, the lesslikely it is thatthey will actually like us. The samethingcould be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is [that] the more we learn, the less we know. New knowledge often comes with new questions.I like this version VERY much, Simone. But, since you started the process of paring to the core, I’ve made some alterations (mostly cuts) to your version above. See if you agree the stricken words are extraneous. The one addition adds clarity by introducing the lesson, I think. Agree?
—Watch
One of many counterintuitive life lessons offered in [the list found at Quora] is that our instinctive efforts to impress someone come off as desperate whereas the better outcome results from trying less.This can be reflective of romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more we learn, the less we know. When we are exploring new learning adventures, our horizons broaden so rapidly, that more questions are asked after the one we just answered.
This is nice, Troi, but in the last sentence, who does the asking is unclear.
There are many counterintuitive life lessons that one could learn. Many of them go against common sense and yet can leave someone better off than another person would be if they normally followed their gut. These lessons include the more one tries to impress someone means the less they will like that individual since they’re trying so hard at it. The same thing could be said for romantic relationships. Another counterintuitive lesson is the more you learn, the less you know. When a person learns something, their horizons broaden so much that more questions are asked after the one we just answered.
Amanda, your version doesn’t eliminate all the 2nd-person language (for example: the more you learn, the less you know). The reason I strongly recommend the 1st-person plural as a universal substitute is that it’s PLURAL, which eliminates the problem of number disagreement. Your “person” and “someone” are singular, so you can’t mix them with “they” or “their” as you do. All that mess is avoided by “we.”
“The more we [first person plural] try to impress others [plural], the less they [plural] like us [first person plural].”