When the image of President Bush morphing into President Obama was shown to me, it confirmed my previous thoughts about this country. I am not one to follow politics to even the slightest extent. I feel as if following politics is frivolous; any person could go into the polls not knowing a single thing about either candidate, yet the result will still be the same. This image shows that it does not matter who the President of the country. The President is nothing but a friendly face; who in reality does not do anything all that different.
When you look at every major company with its friendly looking CEO’s, you might not know what is actually going on behind the company’s walls. These companies could be keeping food from needy people, or even stealing millions of dollars from the government. These Companies could even be paying their employees considerably less than what they should be paid. The list is endless these companies show you what they want you to see; Such as a happy smiling face of a middle aged gentlemen, who looks almost harmless to give them a friendly look. The Government is just what McDonald’s, BP Oil, and GM Motors are, a business, although it does not appear as so. Even though our Government is in a tremendous amount of debt that is pushing eighteen trillion dollars and counting, it is still based on the same structure. The president is elected and might change some very small things to give the illusion of change, but when in fact they are just the face on the front of the box.
This is giving the implication that the President has no actual power which is incorrect. The President does have a considerable amount of power over the country. People somehow carry the assumption that he leads the country alone, and does not have dozens of people in which not only help him make decisions but make decisions for him. I do believe voting does count for who actually wins the Presidential election; I just believe that the country would not be so different if either party had won. That is what the President Bush morphing into President Obama image says to me. President Obama’s slogan was “change” how much different could the country be if he had lost.
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Counterintuitive Fall 2022 
Hey, Marcus
Thank you for your early post. I hope you read Stephen Rivera-Lau’s post and my comments to it before you published yours so that you won’t be surprised by the amount and specificity of criticism you’re about to receive or think that you’ve been selected for special punishment.
First, thank you for tagging your post with A01 and Marcus Patterson tags, but we don’t use tags. I’ve deleted that tags and replaced them with category choices. When you return to your post to revise it, you’ll see the Category list to the right of the text box.
If you did read Stephen’s comments, you know I respond paragraph by paragraph.
P1. You’re a good writer of whom I will demand much, Marcus. This is obvious right away. I will pick at you because the little details keep you from being very good, which is well within your reach.
Ask yourself why you chose the passive voice for “was shown to me.” The choice removes your professor from the sentence, paragraph, essay. The syntax is probably entirely appropriate since you never engage the intentions of your instructor, but was your choice deliberate or just the instinct of a natural writer? Why “it” (confirmed my thoughts)? Why not: “The image of President Bush morphing into President Obama confirms my opinion of this country”? That rhetoric would have completely scrubbed away the professor’s assignment. Instead, the rest of your sentence: “When . . . was shown to me . . . it . . . my previous thoughts” are vestiges of the idea that you didn’t elect to see this image; it was assigned to you. You don’t want to say who did it to you, or how it happened, but you want it to be known that somebody tried to change your mind and failed.
Right? Wrong? Do you hear it?
From your protest that your mind will not be changed, you launch a proclamation: “I am not one to follow politics.” You might as easily say “sports are beneath me” or “pop music is nauseating.” Both positions are understandable, even laudable; just understand that you alienate readers with them. If that’s your strategy, expect a small readership. Again, laudable, but a clear choice; make it with eyes wide open.
Watch your syntax. “I feel as if following politics is frivolous” means “politics is important, but I feel as if it isn’t.” Read it again. What you mean is: “I feel politics is frivolous,” but only if you’re not brave enough for, “Politics is frivolous.” What the hell. The readers still with you will applaud.
Watch your syntax. “The result will be the same” means that the informed voter will cast the same vote he would have had he not gotten informed. But that’s not what you mean. You mean that an informed electorate doing its very best civic duty to elect the most responsible and capable leader will not affect the mechanics of the national engine or the direction our society and economy are steered. No matter who they choose. Even if they inform themselves and change their minds before pulling the lever.
See the difference? It’s all in what you mean by “the result,” about which you need to be very clear.
Why the semicolon?
anything all that different from what?
P2. Read it as carefully as I have read P1.
—DO NOT instruct your readers. “Look at” is 2nd-person language without the implied “you.”
—every is singular . . . their CEO is plural, equals grammar error
—That company is singular . . . their employees is plural, equals the same grammar error
—considerably LESS THAN what they should be paid
—Runon.
—Fragment.
—Amount of debt
—Why “it”? “Our government’s tremendous debt is based on . . . ” No need for “it.” But you do need an object for that sentence. Based on what?
—The president is singular . . . they are actually, and they are just are plural, equals that same grammar error
—illusion of change
P3. I’m very sorry to say that P3 can be eliminated without consequence. Except for the observation that Obama ran on a platform of “Change,” it says nothing that you haven’t said at least once before. You have expressed your ideas in two paragraphs. Therefore, you need more ideas.
If the presidents don’t run the country, who does?
Why are presidents powerless?
Why do we feel our vote counts if it doesn’t?
Did the creator of the image have this cynical attitude in mind?
Where did you get yours?
Did your professor want to elicit this response from you?
Or merely invite it if it was there?
Are Bush and Obama identical?
Has nothing happened that wouldn’t have happened?
Etc.
Please react with a direct response, Marcus. This sort of feedback can be overwhelming, I know. I will back off if it makes you uncomfortable. And I will quit the job altogether if students feel attacked. I’m just trying to give you your money’s worth.
The feedback is fine, i read it as you’re trying to help me rather than scalding my work.
May i please have feedback on my post?
DSH: Was this request for practice, Marcus? You can request a second round of feedback but only after making substantial changes that reflect the first round.
Feedback provided, —DSH