2 Responses to Open Strong- gymrat

1. gymrat230 says:

   November 1, 2022 at 6:15 PM

   Hey Professor Hodges, there’s no category for open strong yet. Could you create one?
   As for feedback, I’d just like some general feedback on your opinion of my opening. I’m trying to incorporate as much feedback from your teachings, and I think either of these openings would be a sufficient replacement for my existing one.

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2. davidbdale says:

   November 8, 2022 at 3:20 AM

   I like them both, Gymrat. Let’s look closely at each.

   Thesis One: MLB players should be allowed to take steroids freely without punishment.

   Opening One: Barry Bonds’ use of steroids should serve as a blueprint for greatness. Bonds practiced hard, played strong, and served as a role model to the children of the early 2000s. Yet, Bonds’ reward for being such a forceful presence in the league is the execution of his illustrious career. The fact is, “cheating” in the MLB is ever present, and Bond’s use of steroids is not that; in a game that doesn’t admonish cheating but embraces such behaviors, Bonds’ is a beacon of hope.

   —This is very strong to the word “execution,” which is very unclear. It might mean Bonds himself executed his performance at a top level. Or it might mean sportswriters have trashed his legacy.
   —You seem to want to have the “cheating” argument both ways. Calling it “ever present” seems to excuse cheating and exonerate cheaters. But putting “cheating” in quotes means you’re hedging on whether anybody’s actually doing so. You further complicate the point by declaring that whether unnamed behaviors are cheating or not, Bonds’ steroid use was none of it. So, which version does the MLB embrace, cheating, or “cheating”?

   Thesis Two: The MLB should standardize the use of steroids to promote fairness within the league to boost television ratings.

   Opening Two: The MLB is an experiment IN achieving the most wealth and highest television ratings. Just like any other experiment, there are independent and dependent variables that will boost television ratings for Major League Baseball. Steroids are the independent variable that will inevitably amplify the dependent variable, the television ratings of MLB games. To boost popularity among the general masses, the MLB must permit and standardize the use of steroids for the players to recreate the sensation of the most memorable era of baseball, the Steroid Era.

   —It’s important to know whether the experiment is to achieve wealth for the owners, the league, the players, or all three. As it stands, your sentence suggests it’s just the league, but readers will assume you mean players.
   —I’m happy to consider the value of calling your variables dependent and independent, but so far I don’t see the point. Maybe you intend a “dependency chain.” Wealth for the League depends on ratings, which depend on attractiveness of the product, which depends on steroid use to keep balls flying over the fences.
   —”Permit and standardize” is a nifty formula for regulating what was randomized and unsanctioned in the Steroid Era.

   This post is eligible for Revision and a Regrade.

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