Worth the Wait

M.A.R.S., Men Against Rape and Sexual Assault, is a group of young men at the University of Hartford, who claim to care about making a difference in the lives of students on campus. Their mission is to educate and empower males to work for rape prevention and against male violence. This group, like so many other sexual assault prevention groups, celebrate their role in preventing rape. This group of males, however, is an example of men taking control of sexual assault by deciding when they stop in order to prevent sexual assault. What can look like a concerned group of young men is actually men blindsided by their efforts of preventing violence toward women. Men are still defining rape, not in regard for women, but for men. They are still deciding when it is or isn’t appropriate to have sex with women, whether women want to or not. To men, as long as they didn’t have sex with a woman, it isn’t technically rape, even if the woman wanted to stop before having sex. This is how it has always been throughout history, and men will continue to have this mentality until women are consulted. Women must be asked what rape is to them, and their answers are what should be considered rape.

Men have been deciding when it is appropriate or inappropriate to rape women for thousands of years. One of the first sets of written laws, Code of Hammurabi, written about 1772 B.C. defines rape of a virgin as property damage against her father. A married woman, who was raped, was considered an adulteress, and as punishment was thrown into a river.  Centuries later, the Latin word, raptus, referred to rape as the abduction of a woman against the will of whatever male controlled her, and whatever he did to her was considered secondary. The first wave of any minute, modern understanding of rape came with King Edward I of England in the 13th century. During his reign, he enacted the Statutes of Westminster, redefining rape of a woman as a public injustice. Girls under 12 were also incapable of consenting to sex. These particular laws set a foundation for a more modern definition of rape and statutory rape. As time progressed, many other rape laws were put in motion, though with a common theme of disregarding any female opinion. As a result, males became even more of a dominate force over what is and isn’t rape.

When males were neglectfully defining rape laws, throughout thousands of years, women were never included in the discussion. Many instances of consulting women could have fixed this issue early on and could have prevented the crippling issue society faces today. Input from either Julius Caesar’s or King Edward’s wives, Calpurnia and Eleanor of Castile, respectfully, could have put in motion a more modern, “female- friendly” definition of rape than what set forth at those times. At any point, women could have been granted full, equal “membership” as human beings, therefore consulted on what it meant to be raped. Men’s ego and desire for power over women thwarted any efforts for any advancement.  Even now, with women having equal rights as men, they are still not included in any rape discussions. In 2012, the U.S. Attorney General, Eric Holder, announced a revised definition of rape, in hopes to more accurately report rapes nationwide. This definition states “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim,” as rape. This “updated” definition, quite possibly written by men, still does not fully distinguish that to women, rape is not simply unwanted penetration. Rape is “perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence,” a more accurate definition that could only be thought by a woman. As long as men are the primary holders of power in legal systems, women will continue to be secondary.  Men must consider what women want and feel instead of taking control by actively engaging in conversation. This is the only way progression in defining rape will be achieved.

What could possibly be wrong with men willing to step up and take a stand against rape? Men are doing it on their own terms by interpreting signals they think women are putting out. Therefore, rape is still under men’s control, defining it as it suits them in that moment in time. The My Strength Campaign promotes men’s responsibility in preventing sexual violence. One vital aspect of the campaign is posters, containing slogans advocating for rape prevention. One such poster displays the slogan, “So when she changed her mind, I stopped.” At first read, it marks the proactive role men are beginning to take in preventing rape. The roles of men and women in prevention, on second read, however, are still consistent. Just as before men are in control and do what they “feel like.”  Men have to interpret any signals the female was giving off, and have to act of them appropriately. Men, however, aren’t mind readers, and it is impossible to know just what a woman wants “in the moment” unless an active dialogue takes place. This one fragmented sentence proves the amount of power men still hold during any sexual contact.

Groups, such as M.A.R.S. are irrelevant until name changes take place. M.A.R.S. should no longer exist, but M.W.A.R.S., Men and Women Against Rape and Sexual Assault should dominate. Both genders working toward a common goal, with men abdicating control to women, is what such groups should pride themselves in. Men should understand just how their aggressive and coercive behaviors negatively shape the rest of a woman’s life.

Men will continue to define rape as it suits them until women throw themselves in charge of the discussion. After thousands of years, with men having such strict control, it will require a mass amount of effort. However, when women thrust themselves into conversation and they are the one defining rape as it suits women, it will be worth the wait.

Works Cited

“A Comprehensive Approach: The Strength Campaign.” Men Can Stop Rape, Web. 13 Apr. 2014.

“Attorney General Eric Holder Announces Revisions to the Uniform Crime Report’s Definition of Rape.” National Press Releases. FBI, 06 Jan. 2012. Web. 05 May 2014.

Eichelberger, Erika. “Men Defining Rape: A History.” Mother Jones. Mother Jones, 27 Aug. 2012. Web. 05 May 2014.

“Men Against Rape and Sexual Assault.” University of Hartford, Web. 05 May 2014.

“What Is Rape Culture?” Rape Culture. Marshall University, Web. 05 May 2014.