Open Strong – cinderella1013

Practice Opening 1:

Electric vehicles may not be as good for the environment as big companies say they are. When comparing the lifecycle of electric vehicles, EVs, to the standard gas-powered cars most of us drive, they will emit almost the same amount of harmful emissions into the environment. The production process of EVs includes making a lithium-ion battery, which alone generates an enormous amount of pollutants. At the end of their lives, both types of cars will have emitted close to the same amount of pollutants that contribute to climate change and air pollution

Practice Opening 2:

Companies like Tesla, Nissan, and Volvo have been manufacturing electric vehicles since 2008. For over 10 years, we have been told that newer cars powered by electricity are much better for the environment as they do not emit carbon dioxide like the typical gas-powered cars most of us drive. When looking at electric vehicles and the newly made gas-dependent cars of today, the electric car will ultimately release more harmful emissions into the environment since the production of an electric car requires a lithium-ion battery, which uses more energy to create than in the lifespan of the newer standard combustion vehicle.

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4 Responses to Open Strong – cinderella1013

  1. I would like some feedback on if my opening statements make a good enough argument that set up the rest of my paper.

  2. davidbdale says:

    Thanks, Cinderella. I appreciate the specific request.

    Your openings make the same argument in different words, so one answer will suffice for both. Not quite, is what I’d say, but you’re on the right track.

    1. Your openings run against the grain, starting an uncomfortable conversation that will surely annoy the sanctimonious consumer-environmentalists who think we can buy our way to climate responsibility by switching from fossil fuels to electricity (without accounting for where the electricity comes from or how it’s stored).
    1a. But: They make a fuzzy claim about what EVs will “emit.”

    2. They invoke a novel objection that somehow the production of LI batteries is as bad as the burning of fossil fuels.
    2a. But they offer not the slightest bit of explanation.

    3. They raise serious doubt that EVs are categorically superior to gas engines.
    3a. But, they lump a lot of damage categories into the big bucket you variously describe as: a) pollutants, b) climate change, c) air pollution, d) harmful emissions, e) more energy.

    —Don’t be bashful. If EVs ARE NOT as good as big companies say they are, SAY THAT THEY’RE NOT (not that they might not be) and Name The Companies!
    —Specify what you mean by emissions. You can’t seriously claim that an EV EMITS much from the tailpipe, so what you MUST MEAN is that the LIFETIME EMISSIONS FOOTPRINT of the vehicle is as bad as the footprint of a gas vehicle (once you calculate in the emissions released during the MANUFACTURE of the car and its catastrophic battery).
    —You may THINK you made that clear, but your sentences are too dodgy. You SAY the car emits, but you don’t mean it. You SAY the battery production GENERATES POLLUTANTS, but you don’t call them emissions. So . . . careful readers will not trust your claims, and . . . you lose the argument.
    —You smear the meanings of “climate change” and “air pollution” as if they were the same thing. Carbon Dioxide is not classified as Pollution (we exhale it with every breath), but it surely contributes to climate change.

    Helpful?
    This post is available for Revision and Regrading. I will not be as likely to spend so much time on your future posts if you don’t respond to this one.

  3. Thanks for the feedback. I will definitely go back and make changes based on what you said.

    I agree that I need to be more assertive and just directly say that EVs are not as good as people say. I also need to clarify what I mean by emissions and how they negatively affect the environment.

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